oh family guy, you just aren't the same without Jaclyn and Sarah! although it does look better on this huge TV here. god, i'm such a different person while i'm home though. it's hard to explain, but i'm just so not like myself. i always have a such a shield up, i just never can completely open up and relax here. i also feel like i have hide my feelings here. maybe, it's not them, maybe it's me. but still. i don't think anyone here, minus Arielle, knows about it. i wish i could tell them, and while i'm in Seattle, i think 'oh yeah, i'll tell them" but i never do once i see them. i was gonna tell Sydney but
now, no i just can't.ohhh, also i got a random message from Kirsten on Facebook completely out of the blue!! it was so random and brought back a lot of old feelings from high school. here are the messages:
her: yo.
so i kinda fucked you over senior year, and i feel pretty bad about that soo...i'm sorry. just thought i would let you know.
me: hey,
wow, that was surprising to hear from you. thanks for the apology though. that was probably hard. i'm sorry if i freaked out out senior year too, i just didn't know how to deal with what i was feeling at the time.
and seriously kirsten, it means a lot to hear that from you.
thanks.
her: yeah i was a really huge douchebag. clearly i didn't know how to handle the situation either so i was selfish and took the easy way out, and that was really shitty. i feel really bad about it. i know that a random facebook apology 2 years later does little or nothing to fix the shit i caused by just running away from everything, but i guess i just wanted to do what could still be done.
i think the message brought some needed closure (somewhat). so i feel a little more satisfied, and i'm glad she acknowledged that she hurt me. i'm always worried something like that will happen to me again, if i open my feelings up, and then just get shot down. it took a lot for me to come out like that at 16. geez.
anyways, i'm so full. i just went to Chilli's, yum. i went with jarrett, it was so good to see him again!!! and i went shopping all day with Arielle. my mom gave me her card and told me to go buy "cute summer" clothes. aka girly clothes. i did buy a lot of cool stuff though. several shirts, a neat head scarf, and awesome aviators, with instead of silver wire around it, it's pink! but then arielle left to go be with kyla, surprise surprise, i'm sure i will not see much of arielle this trip.
GOD i want coffee, it's 8:46 though, but i need to detox. omg omg. i want coffee so baddddddddddddddd!!!! i also need to clean my room, all my new clothes and all of my two suitcases are just ALL over my room.
also, i want to watch DEGRASSI!!!!!!!!!!! but block buster doesn't have it! i should just buy it.
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