Berlin

well, i got here safe and sound! BERLIN GERMANY! i'm exhausted though, so i'll write more later!!!
sleep time now...

sqvisch

so i'm watching an extreme plastic surgery, it's also neurosurgery... interesting. when i'm home, this is basically all i do:
1) Work 2) Eat 3) Watch Discovery Health 4) Blog 5) Sleep
yup...i'm not forgetting anything....
i'm going to Berlin on Saturday, well, leaving for Berlin but i don't land until Sunday afternoon. However, i have nowhere to stay until Monday evening, so i need to find somewhere to stay saturday night and carry my shit around all day sunday/monday. i hope i don't get robbed.
okay, i don't feel like blogging, false alarm.
but before i go, i have to tell you, KIM KARDASHIAN is amazing. i am obsessed with her butt.

I wish these pills would kick in faster

oh Blogspot! I was back at work today! oh joy. will I even leave that place for good? They kept me two hours late, but hey, i need the money. Then I snuck a beer from my parents! Oh so naughty, they have so much booze though, it's so tempting. This is only their spare liquor too. There is also a fridge full of beer and a PACKED liquor cabinet.
It was dumb of me to have that beer though, because then arielle called me and wanted me to go over and watch movies with her and some of her friends. There is NO way i'm risking driving though, even though it was just one beer. I'm not worried that i can't drive, because one beer does not effect me at all, it's just i know my town does random stops and Breathalyzers, and i'm not risking being underage and a smidgen of alcohol on my breath.

Oi vey, my heart still hurts.
Also, I hate how i over analyze everything! But, i suppose a lot of people do that.
(OH and my town library SUCKS! every single book I wanted, was either lost, or didn't exist at my library. pathetic. they were even classics! oi vey!
sorry, side thought...) I have to see everything every day and am reminded that i'm an emo bitch who needs to get over herself and grow up! god, it's so childish. but it feels so good. oiiiii. Ellie Nash, only you understand! i'm kidding though... sorta! haha. god i'm a FREAK!
omg, so this lady came into work today, and her ankle was COMPLETELY cut to shreds. All the way around, like an ankle bracelet. Why would you show that off???
anyways, my damn elliott smith CD is skipping.


god, you were so talented, so smart. your music is amazing. i understand elliott, i know.
but seriously, why did you have to go?

i have a problem with Katy Perry.

Dear Katy Perry,

What is your deal? Seriously. Do you have such major issues with yourself and your sexuality that all that pent up frustration comes out in this ridiculously immature lyrics, or do men in business suits who jack off at their computers to the idea of two girls kissing write these pathetic lyrics at a a long oak business table, throwing out ideas to each other and writing them on their marker board? God Katy Perry, you frustrate me so. If I mindlessly listen to your "hit", (which i noticed is #1 on the itunes download list, congratulations, really i mean it) i can easily sing along and smile to this cute song. Oh, and she talks about kissing a girl! Is she relating to me? Is she relating to the to gay community? or is she just alternative? is she the new Avril Lavigne? you make me want to puke.

So I went to your website about a week or two ago, and I was shocked that it said "Ur So Gay" all over it. I found out that is the name of one of your songs. Now I just went to your website, and notice, that's not plastered all over it. I wonder if you got any complaints, I hope you did. Let's examine this music video and lyrics:


"(V1)
I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf
While jacking off listening to Mozart
You bitch and moan about LA
Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway
You don’t eat meat
And drive electrical cars
You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art
You need SPF 45 just to stay alive

(CHORUS)
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like…

(V2)
You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal
You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal
Secretly you’re so amused
That nobody understands you
I’m so mean cause I cannot get you outta your head
I’m so angry cause you’d rather MySpace instead
I can’t believe I fell in love with someone that wears more makeup than…

(CHORUS)
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like…

(BRIDGE)
You walk around like you’re oh so debonair
You pull ‘em down and there’s really nothing there
I wish you would just be real with me

(CHORUS)
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
Oh no no no no no no no
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like… PENIS"


A bunch of ridiculous gay stereotypes neatly bundled in the form of a pop-hit. The way I interpret the song, she is talking about this guy who does all of these "gay" things, like being a vegetarian, driving an electric car, and reading Hemingway, but he "doesn't even like boys", so he isn't literally homosexual, but he is still "so gay". Seriously Katy?



This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Lost my discretion

It's not what
I'm used to
Just wanna try u on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention

(CHORUS)
I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

(V2)
No I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter
You're my experimental game
Just human nature

It's not what
Good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets
So confused
Hard to obey

(CHORUS)
I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

(BRIDGE)
Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent


This song however confuses me. I can't tell if you are embracing the idea of being with a girl, or if it is just some drunken thing that is nothing but silliness and innocent. I somehow get the feeling that you don't find homosexual relationships to be as serious as heterosexual ones, like they are just girls having a fun time. I don't know, maybe i'm taking this totally wrong.

OKAY, vent is done Katy Perry. I still don't like the "Ur So Gay" song and your damn "I kissed a girl" song is too damn catchy.
I hope I'm taking this all wrong and this lyrics are from the heart and never meant to be taken offensively from anyone from the gay community.

Sincerely,
Laura

annaliese michel

INSOMNIA!!!!
i can't sleep. i've taken sleeping pills the last couple nights and i have DRAMATICALLY cut back on my caffeine intake.
things on my mind, in bullet form, because i'm in an uncomfortable position on my bed right now, but still feel the urge to blog...:
1) Trauma: Life in the ER on Discovery health channel, the episode i just watched was all filmed in the OU Medical center. the lady i babysit for is a nurse in the part of the hospital they were in. very cool. i want to work in medicine. it was a very sad episode though.
2) i went into the bathroom and heard sydney yelling "where did you go?! why are you leaving?!" so i woke her up, and said "sydney you are having a nightmare" and she kept insisting that her two friends were in her, one named "Laura". she won't remember it in the morning. she ALWAYS talks in her sleep and never remembers it in the morning, even if you think she is awake, she just has her eyes open.
3) i still haven't checked my grades online, it's driving me crazy, but i'm too scared to look at my biology grade.
4) it's hot here.
5) i am getting the same feelings here like i did when i was back in high school. the constant boredom and restlessness.
6) i'm so excited but very nervous about Germany. i wasn't nervous at all until 2 days ago.
7) i feel bad for upsetting Arielle.
8) i need more money. and less fat.
9) i hope i make lots of friends in Germany who like to do the same things I do.
10) i really want to date someone right now. this is so NOT like me, but ever since i started dating, this is the longest i've gone without someone. it's not like i HAVE to or anything, i'm not one of those girls. but i would still like one.


stuff to possibly download:
1) the ting tings--shut up and let me go
2) chromeo
3) los campesinos--death to los campesinos
4) tokyo police club--in a cave
5) weezer--pork and beans / perfect situaton
6)crystal castles--courtship dating
7) adele--chasing pavements (this one is iffy, she wasn't that great, but i've heard good reviews)

things to do:
1) go to the bank and make my debit card available in europe
2) get my phone fixed
3) work out
4) babysit/work
5) take off toe nail polish
6) make my bed
7) tell logan to do his chores, i.e. laundry, and when he ignores me, do it myself
8) drink more coffee
9) download music
10) get friends addresses and make KT a mix CD

life goals at 2:17 am:
1) attempt to be happy. with myself and where i am in life.
2) be successful, in all aspects
3) get married
4) have kids
5) be financially stable
6) go to Germany
7) own my own house with people i love in it
8) pay back my parents, not necessarily monetarily
9) make peace with my older brother
10) be completely off all medications

knock-off cinnamon toast crunch

oi, i'm so so flippin' bored.
there is nothing at all to do here.
there is nothing on TV.
there is no one to hang out with.

i'm going to go take something to make me fall asleep so i don't have to think about not checking my grades online...

but before i pass out, random photos!:






oi, i'm so so flippin' bored.
there is nothing at all to do here.
there is nothing on TV.
there is no one to hang out with.

i'm going to go take something to make me fall asleep so i don't have to think about not checking my grades online...

give me C8H10N4O2!!!!!!!

PHOTOS: (one of my Cats, IZZY!) (and me as a kid, roller skating and wearing tye-dye, not much has changed!) (and my dad's favorite military coffee mug >_<)

oh family guy, you just aren't the same without Jaclyn and Sarah! although it does look better on this huge TV here. god, i'm such a different person while i'm home though. it's hard to explain, but i'm just so not like myself. i always have a such a shield up, i just never can completely open up and relax here. i also feel like i have hide my feelings here. maybe, it's not them, maybe it's me. but still. i don't think anyone here, minus Arielle, knows about it. i wish i could tell them, and while i'm in Seattle, i think 'oh yeah, i'll tell them" but i never do once i see them. i was gonna tell Sydney but now, no i just can't.
ohhh, also i got a random message from Kirsten on Facebook completely out of the blue!! it was so random and brought back a lot of old feelings from high school. here are the messages:
her: yo.
so i kinda fucked you over senior year, and i feel pretty bad about that soo...i'm sorry. just thought i would let you know.
me: hey,
wow, that was surprising to hear from you. thanks for the apology though. that was probably hard. i'm sorry if i freaked out out senior year too, i just didn't know how to deal with what i was feeling at the time.
and seriously kirsten, it means a lot to hear that from you.
thanks.
her: yeah i was a really huge douchebag. clearly i didn't know how to handle the situation either so i was selfish and took the easy way out, and that was really shitty. i feel really bad about it. i know that a random facebook apology 2 years later does little or nothing to fix the shit i caused by just running away from everything, but i guess i just wanted to do what could still be done.

i think the message brought some needed closure (somewhat). so i feel a little more satisfied, and i'm glad she acknowledged that she hurt me. i'm always worried something like that will happen to me again, if i open my feelings up, and then just get shot down. it took a lot for me to come out like that at 16. geez.

anyways, i'm so full. i just went to Chilli's, yum. i went with jarrett, it was so good to see him again!!! and i went shopping all day with Arielle. my mom gave me her card and told me to go buy "cute summer" clothes. aka girly clothes. i did buy a lot of cool stuff though. several shirts, a neat head scarf, and awesome aviators, with instead of silver wire around it, it's pink! but then arielle left to go be with kyla, surprise surprise, i'm sure i will not see much of arielle this trip.

GOD i want coffee, it's 8:46 though, but i need to detox. omg omg. i want coffee so baddddddddddddddd!!!! i also need to clean my room, all my new clothes and all of my two suitcases are just ALL over my room.
also, i want to watch DEGRASSI!!!!!!!!!!! but block buster doesn't have it! i should just buy it.

So i'm back "home" in oklahoma, although Seattle feels more and more like home every time I go back to the Emerald city. don't get me wrong i love my family, blah blah, yeah, but eh, it's just so boring here. i haven't seen any of my friends yet though. Arielle is busy with Kyla


and jarrett and I didn't meet up today or yesterday. well, i could have hung out late last night with arielle. she was trying to hook me up with someone that night too, and i had just arrived in town.

OMG Erin McNaught is GORGEOUS!


random, but i'm watching E! and i've never seen her before and she is amazing. anyways, today was fathers day and it was nice. nothing special but my family did everything (minus Nick) together. Mum made a yummy breakfast, although the coffee was gross. oi, i don't know what to do about that. it was so nasty. anyways, we were then supposed to go hiking, not that there are that many "hiking" locations in the great plains, but i was looking forward to it. even though i would have burned up in my long sleeves, oi vey, my mum keeps telling me to change....:/ then we went car shopping for my dad, even though he just bought my mom a brand new car. he wants a Hybrid or a car with good gas mileage, b/c although his giant SUV is PIMP it gets like 12 mpg, so he is looking for something better to drive to work, and then just drive his SUV occasionally, or with the whole family. i'm so surprised that my dad wants a Hybrid! that is so not like him! He isn't doing it though because he wants to be "green" though, he just wants a car with better gas mileage. we got in a big argument over politics and the war, etc. i can never win against him though. then we went to his work to help him move his stuff from his old offic to his new one, because he got a new job. that's probably why they are buying these new cars...but anyways, we annoyed him and this is my imitation, of him, while he was out of the office:



it's probably only funny to me, my sister, and my mom though. he isn't cocky at all, we just poke fun at him all the time. but he is the one who makes the big bucks and pays for me to go to my university, so i shouldn't tease. and i love my Pa. Then sydney and i attempted to go running, buy omg, it was ridiculously hot outside. it was 7pm and still around 96 degress and so humid and we couldn't run very long because it was so freaking hot. we are going to go play tennis tomorrow, but do it early in the morning.
oh yeah! sydney got a job at TC with me! hahahaha. she's going to be in for an eye opener. i feel so bad though, because she wants me to work when i'm babysitting, and i'm the one desperate for the job and she is so nice to give it to me, i just feel bad. also, at work, i got a lot of good hugs. i love good hugs. whats really weird is that i give really awkward hugs to people i know very well, except for Sydney. i'm such an awkward turtle! also, keri ann peniche i love your mole! wow, pretty girls on this. sorry, i get distracted. god, my sister who i LOVE and i think is so open minded, said some semi-mean comment about "dykes" god, i don't think she is homophobic at all, but i know she is surrounded by all these hicks in Oklahoma who put shit into her head. but i don't want to even think about it now. i'm getting tired and trying to get back on this time zone!


this was a boring blog, lo siento.

Tschüss Seattle!

okay, so summer is here. we had a party last night, which was fun. i'm glad i got to see a lot of people last night before i leave! i'll miss them all. i'm not looking to forward to going to oklahoma. well, i'm happy about seeing my family, Arielle, Jarrett, and some others, but i'm not happy about leaving Seattle. and i'm going to be working the whole time, which was suppose to help pay for beer in germany, HOWEVER, it will now be paying for a new camera, because mine got stolen out of my own house at the party. so lame. i was just talking to Sarah and she got a summer job, which is paying over double what I get at Taco Cabana...ahh...gotta love Oklahoma minimum wage! actually, i've worked at TC for over two years so i got a 25 cent raise....ooohhh ahhh! god this sucks. anyways, enough of me bitching! this is going to be my blog while i'm in Germany!....and it's my normal blog...but, if you for some reason are curious what i'm up to or want to see photos while i'm in the big bad city of BERLIN, you should check my blog. and i blog a lot usually.
anyways, so this is my introduction to the summer that awaits me! seattle-->oklahoma: work, friends-->germany! aka getting legally crunk in my homeland! Ja!-->oklahoma and road tripping back to seattle! then moving into my new house! although i'm going to miss not living with Sarah and Jaclyn!! so much. sad day :( also sami will be in Austin, but she is gonna drive thru the 405 on her way there and hang out with me, so it's not goodbye yet!
anyways, that's all i have to say for now. i should finish packing, i have too much to do today. oh, and i'm getting a polaroid camera! woo!!!...now i just need to find film...

<3

10 hours till freedom!

sometimes, my immense amounts of stimulants and caffeine that i take to wake my slumbering body have an adverse effect on me. i want them to make me concentrate and stay awake to study, however half the time instead they just make me too fidgety and awake to concentrate. i'm also to the point in studying my biology that i'm too bored to go on. i've studied for the past 12 hours off and on, but i still don't feel very prepared. i know most of the information when i read it, but i don't know if i can think of it on the test. there is just so much to memorize and study! oi vey! but oh joy, tomorrow is the party. i hope there isn't too much drama. god i hate when i'm looking so forward to something and then it turns out just awful. i hope it's nothing but fun. i hope there is no drama between angel, jenny, and claire, but i bet there will be. also with mike, give me a little alcohol and i'm not going to be able to shut my mouth around him. i'm going to be so pissed if i even see him there. i'm also so mad that sami is defending him, god i am. i don't understand that at all. well, i'm gonna cut this blog short because i need to go study more. hopefully i'll be happy next time i write. hopefully my bio test goes well and the party is fun. hopefully...

Lady Lazarus

I have done it again. One year in every ten I manage it---- A sort of walking miracle, my skin Bright as a Nazi lampshade, My right foot A paperweight, My face a featureless, fine Jew linen. Peel off the napkin 0 my enemy. Do I terrify?---- The nose, the eye pits, the full set of teeth? The sour breath Will vanish in a day. Soon, soon the flesh The grave cave ate will be At home on me And I a smiling woman. I am only thirty. And like the cat I have nine times to die. This is Number Three. What a trash To annihilate each decade. What a million filaments. The peanut-crunching crowd Shoves in to see Them unwrap me hand and foot The big strip tease. Gentlemen, ladies These are my hands My knees. I may be skin and bone, Nevertheless, I am the same, identical woman. The first time it happened I was ten. It was an accident. The second time I meant To last it out and not come back at all. I rocked shut As a seashell. They had to call and call And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls. Dying Is an art, like everything else, I do it exceptionally well. I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real. I guess you could say I've a call. It's easy enough to do it in a cell. It's easy enough to do it and stay put. It's the theatrical Comeback in broad day To the same place, the same face, the same brute Amused shout: 'A miracle!' That knocks me out. There is a charge For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge For the hearing of my heart---- It really goes. And there is a charge, a very large charge For a word or a touch Or a bit of blood Or a piece of my hair or my clothes. So, so, Herr Doktor. So, Herr Enemy. I am your opus, I am your valuable, The pure gold baby That melts to a shriek. I turn and burn. Do not think I underestimate your great concern. Ash, ash --- You poke and stir. Flesh, bone, there is nothing there---- A cake of soap, A wedding ring, A gold filling. Herr God, Herr Lucifer Beware Beware. Out of the ash I rise with my red hair And I eat men like air. Sylvia Plath

industrial pain

oi fucking vey. i think that is my most common phrase of the past month. i've been so busy and i still have no motivation. i wish i did, damn i do. i have no drive though. i've been more depressed than usual i'd say. it all adds up, it's the low that i get in my cycle of moods, every couple months or more frequent, when i can't seem to wake. i sleep all the time, causing so many problems. i'm late to everything, or i just don't go. and i don't care even. i'm too fucking apathetic. and i do things that only make it worse. i know i should take my medicine, i know they make me better. but i hate them, god i do. just thinking about it, i feel like a fucking robot who has to take things and do things to run properly. pills pills pills. then the last two months, i've realized how addicted my body is. i knew it was, but god, i've never gotten this bad. i've taken the pink onces since i was fifteen and then i didn't get it refilled and went over a week without it and i felt like such shit. i was sweating, no energy, and worst of all, my head. i was crying walking to the drug store with pain, pain in my head. god it hurt. that was the week before sasquatch, and now, this last week and a half, i went with out one of my white ones, and i didn't feel it in my body so much, because i've only taken this bittersweet pesticide for less then a year now, but damn i felt it in my emotions. i got cut to shreds, oi i did. i also didn't study for my chem final, which i'll regret once i find out my grades. god i'm such a fucking dumbass. so dumb. my parents and friends say if i want to be a dentist i'll push through it, but god, when i get like this it's so fucking hard. i don't think people understand. i guess i get snobby, and perhaps they do, but i doubt it. perhaps my mom gets it, and i'm sure syd will too, it seems like it runs in the women of my family. conor oberst and elliot smith get me, god i'm so emo. i need to stop, but i can't. i remember when i was in early high school my spanish teacher gave a speech about suicide and if you feel suicidal , then you need to take anti-depressants. her father had committed suicide. we all made fun of her little random speech, but the past two years i thought about my high school. i honestly think two things: if i hadn't gotten help when i was 15 and if i hadn't moved away from oklahoma, i swear, i SWEAR i would have done it. i wouldn't be here. it'll never go away, i know it won't. i fight the urge every day and i'll have to deal with it my whole life. some days it's easy to brush off, some days it's not. i never realize it till i hit the lows, how high i was before. but, this past year, i haven't gotten as high as i used to. i swear, yeah i laugh and smile on the outside, and i'm a great actress, but i swear, inside my head, sometimes the switch gets hit, off of nothing. one look, one work, one thing that makes me upset. i'm too fucking jealous. not of material things, but of other peoples happiness. what me and my sister have in common, and i'm sure many others, however i'm so fucking narcissistic that of course i think I am the only one who feels this way, but i read sydney's blogs, and i swear, i wrote the same exact ones when i was in high school too. we both also feel the same immense guilt. why should we be depressed? we live in the United States, with loving parents, a health family, well off, we get everything and more that we want, but still. still. immer noch. we feel it. i'm a spoiled fucking baby who needs to get over herself.


Lindsay, are still living there
On your estate of sorrow?
You used to leave it occasionally
But now you don't even bother
To ride that commuter train
West to Oklahoma
To stroll through the greenery
In the park pass the statues

How eyes seemed to follow you
Like a hated addiction
That beauty carved out of absolutes
You could never claim
Or even envision

Lindsay, you were the saddest song
In the shape of a woman
Yeah, I thought you were beautiful
But I wept with your movements
But I hope that you're laughing now
From that place on the carpet
Where we shared a sleeping bag
In your sister's apartment

Oh how she would worry so
You know I was just a stranger
But she asked me to care for you
Yes, she did
And I went and betrayed her

Do know we're in high demand, Lindsay us
People who suffer
Because we don't take to arguing
And we're quick to surrender

I think I would call tonight
If I still had your number
Your thoughts have always laid close to mine
We were both skipping supper

But you should never be embarrassed by Your trouble with living
Cause it's the ones with the sorest throats
Lindsay, who have done the most singing.

Who did you last shoot a dirty look at?
probably sami

What kind of car do you drive?
nissan, it's 2,000 miles away from me currently though

Have you ever had a garage sale?
no, but i want to

What color is your iPod?
white, i wanted a black one like my soul, but hey, i still like it

What kind of dog do you have?
an adorable choco-lab mutt

What's for dinner tonight?
tofu, veggies, rice, but i have no appetite today so its just sitting on the stove



What is the last drink you drank?
red rockstar juiced

Last time you were sick?

i had strep throat a few weeks ago


How long is your hair?
not long enough

Are you happy right now?
no, not at all

What did you say last?
okay, i should study now


Who came over last?
sami was just in my room


Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?
well, i was told that i was stolen from gypsies all my life



What is your favorite key chain on your keys?
my face shield in case i have to give a stranger CPR

What is in your pocket?
my bus pass

Who introduced you to your boyfriend or girlfriend?
i don't have one




Who is the last person you had a phone conversation with?
bonsworth!

What DVD is in your DVD player?
i think, "Was tun, wenn's brennt?"



What's something fun you did today?
ripped my pants hxc in the quad attempting to slack line

What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"?
omg, salma, i hate you right now.

What are you listening to right now?
bright eyes b/c im emo lol



What have you had to drink so far today?
coffee, a latte, and a rock star. i'm basically a health nut >_<

What's the area code for your cell phone?
405 :( not 206

Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now?
the gap

Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror?
my graduation tassel and a pine tree air freshener

What is something you need to go shopping for?
a new soul

Do you like pickles?
love pickles, especially with honey and sour cream

How about olives?
yupppp

What is your favorite kind of gum?
sugar free kind!

Do you have any tan lines?
no, i'm pretty white all over

Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher?
Mary something

Who was the last person to call you baby?
i don't think anyone

When you're at the grocery store do you use the self checkout?
if i'm in a rush

Has anyone ever sang to you?
yes, twice, once in the drive thru at the place i worked and once in my living room



Has anyone ever given you roses?
my dad...and my teacher...



If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
would i want to



What is your favorite color?
royal plum purple

What color are your eyes?
green

What is a compliment you receive way too often?
my hair, or eyes, or butt yesterday

How tall are you?
5'10"

Who was the last person to say they loved you and when?
probably marian or katie yesterday i think

Why did your last relationship end?
b/c i'm queeeeeeeer

Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone?
daddy


Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep?
sleep.





Do you look more like your mom or your dad?
mom


How long does it take you to shower?

9 minutes


Can you use the grill?
kinda

What movie do you want to see?
wrist cutters

What did you on New Years Eve 2007?
throwing up and passed out in arielle's bossom

What is the last letter of your middle name?
n/t

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
idk when i woke up, but i went to bed at like 4 >_<

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
ALWAYS

Are you scared of flying?
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

What do you sleep in?
pjs or nude



Do you have any tattoos?
never

Have you ever been to Los Angeles?
lots

What jewelry do you wear all the time?
earrings


Do you like chocolate?
yes

Are You easy to get along with?
I think so, but people used to tell me they thought I was a bitch when they first saw me.



Any up coming events you're excited about?
monday night :)

Do you like anyone?
of course

Do they like you?
who knows, girls are fickle

What are you wearing?
bandages

OI VEY!

1) I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK TO OKLAHOMA!!!!!!!!!! seriously, and i want like a month of summer IN SEATTLE before I go to Berlin. yeah i'm super excited about going to Berlin, but i'm having a lot of fun here right now and i'm not ready to leave in the middle of all of it. :( i'm seriously depressed about this. it's going to be 2 and a half MONTHS until I come back! and I accidentally hurt my dad's feelings today when I told him I don't want to go back to Oklahoma. I really wish my parents lived like 20 minutes away from me, so I could drive and see them all the time, and not have to make it this huge event 2,000 miles away from Home. and by home, I mean SEATTLE. of course i LOVE my family! i just am young and having a good time here in Seattle as well and I LOVE my friends here. this city is AMAZING. the only thing I really have in Oklahoma is a couple friends, who have all moved on with their lives for the most part understandably, and my family. I don't care about taco cabana, or OU, or Norman, or the sooner fashion mall, or brookhaven, I only miss a handful of people and my family and my pets. FUCK!!!!!! I'm going to miss seattle this summer SO BAD!

2) I have no motivation to do any of my homework at all. I REALLY should be studying, but instead i'm being all giggly and texting and doing anything but studying. OI VEY = the story of my life.

yeah, that's all I have right now. I need to pack some and then write an essay and study. poopcicle.

more happy things will come once i'm in Germany I believe. my oklahoma blogs will probably be all emo though. *le sigh*

salma hayek

well, it's 3:06am and i'm up doing homework. last night was eventful. the cops were at our house due to one of the girls upstair's psycho BF. both of those girls are having MAJOR (ex)BF problems. i don't understand why they do it. they deserve way better. i wish i could just shank those d-bags next time i see them (the guys, not the girls), but that would have quite the negative consequences. so much drama lately. especially tonight. i had dinner with my new roomies for next year, and they are all awesome girls, however, i'm quite different. i've always been different and i always will. i hate that i can't laugh as much as other people. sure i laugh, but it takes a lot for me, and i really actually can't do it as hard as i try, to laugh in the way other people do to the point where they cry. i feel left out in their joy. it's one of the many things that i feel left out on in life. sure i get goofy and hyper sometimes, a lot of the time, but then again i have my light switch moments often. i'm in a minor slump right now, but nothing like normal. anyways, i'm not going to write one of my normal wrist-cutting-depressed blogs like usual. back to my main point--> i love my friend J, but i feel left out a lot on how she feels. i feel like she doesn't tell me a lot of things. especially with this whole gay thing and her. I know she has a boyfriend, and supposedly she is straight, and if she is cool, but she has been so overly gay-enthusiastic that it's confusing. also, she has a very close relationship with this girl, that seems almost lesbianic. i don't want to jump to conclusions or anything, but i just want to know what's going on in her life and how she is feeling and i wish she would keep me updated and tell me what's going on with her emotions and thoughts, etc. i don't care if she is straight, bi, gay, two-spirited, transgender, WHATEVER, and i don't want to pigeon hole her either, i just want to know what the deal is. and if her deal is that she isn't sure what her deal is, that's cool too! i just want to be in the know. and she says "there is no gayness at all!" but that's so not true. she talks about lesbianism ALL the time. idk. just a thought on my mind lately.
also, recently i went to sasquatch was F-ing amazing!!!
and another thing on my mind, one of my other friends just moved in with their GF and i think it's so soon and they are too young. DAMN i'm so up into other people's business.
let's talk about me i guess......hmmmm....what's going on in my life. well, 1st off, i've been back into my nasty little habit for the past month, maybe month and a half. the quantity is down but the quality is up. but again, it's completely under control and i love doing it and i'm not planing on stopping anytime soon. AND i keep going back and forth on this person whom i adore. i finally quit dreaming and realized they are into someone else, and even though this someone else DOESN'T feel the same about them, i have a feeling they will still pursue her in vain and i need to get over it and find someone new........even though i don't want to do that. perhaps, being in germany will get me over this person. although i know when i finally do, the second i get back to seattle it'll all come rushing back. FUCK. too bad i'm not actually a robot.
i also have gotten so so sooooooooo fat. so fat. omg. in germany, i need to do push ups, sit ups, and RUN! hopefully i'll loose a lot of weight. although the beer might counteract the exercise...eek. i can't believe i'll be able to legally drink again! awesome. i wish i could in Amerika. but a lot of 18 year old americans would NOT handle that well.
shit, it's finals, and i need to fucking do PERFECTLY on my tests, as usual....too bad i suck. hard. i'll never be a dentist......but i'm gonna try at it anyways! oi vey! also, i've never really been poor in my life. and i'm not hella poor now, but i used to be able to buy whatever i wanted (within reason) anytime, and now i can't. and it sucks. being poor/fat/dumb sucks. life is hard. >_<