diamond eyes

well, i haven't blogged in a while, i think the few people who actually read my blog stopped. oh well, i write it more so for me anyways. write now i feel tired, beat, sad, lonely, and overwhelmed. not the best. i also have a wet head (i just got out of the shower). after rugby everyone came to my house to make shirts...it kind of happened...but kind of not. we got maybe, 1/4 of them done...but we did have a lot to make. and then it turned into a drunken party. except i didn't drink at all, and whenever everyone else is drunk and i'm not, i don't know why, but i always start off fine, but then i get annoyed and start alienating myself. i really wish i wouldn't do that, i suppose it's just because i know i'm not in the same state of mind as everyone else. i don't know how Owen does it! i'm saving myself for maggot fest, although, maybe after the alumni game, well i'm pretty sure i will, but not get trashed or anything. i'm also most likely going to drive to maggotfest and not drink in the car, because i think it's pretty stupid to do and i know that if i do drink, i'll be paranoid the whole time. so for now, *sigh* i'll just watch everyone else have fun. not saying that alcohol is the only way you can have fun, but it helps ;)
oh and i feel bad, i made sami made, although it was only for a brief moment because she is so drunk, but i didn't mean to. we were looking for her cat and i was helping and i said "i hate salma (the cat) the only reason i'm looking for her is because sami likes her" and yeah, that was rude of me to say that i hate salma, but sami knows i don't like her, but i suppose i should keep that to myself, b/c she loves salma. it made her made for a few minutes though and i felt really bad. for some reason, i just don't like other people's pets. it's so odd, b/c i LOVE mine, well 2/3 cats and molly (dog).
so i'm the biggest money sucker of my parents ever, and i feel so bad. i need to get a job for the few weeks i'll be home....i think i'll have to go back to *dun-dun-DUN!* taco cabana :(
it's a job though, what can i say!
oh, we were talking about more housing stuff, and gawf REALLY wants to live in the rugby house, and i'm SO glad, b/c i really want to stay here. sami suggested that we write an email to the current non-ruggers and tell them we want to take over the lease, since no one is stepping up to it, and that we want all ruggers in the house. it's kinda bitchy to the girls who live here now, but hey, this is the RUGBY house. but i really like jaclyn and wendy and kristen, but i never see them! well, i see jaclyn a lot, and i would like her to stay, but i REALLY want a house of only ruggers, that would be bomb.
god, it's 1:30am, i never stay up this late. I think i'm not going to go to chemistry again, that'll be the entire week except monday i think. eek. i just hate chemistry and the lectures are NO help to me, although i don't study outside of lecture, and i keep saying i'll do it, but i don't. i need to get on that.
oi, and i've been into two certain people for a while now, one for much longer, and i'm basically over that certain person, and i thought/think i'm over the other one, but God it's hard. I want to be, so i think of all the negative things about them, but that's not healthy. i should just settle on friends because i think that's all it will ever be, but damn, i wanna jump their bones.
and on that note! i'm off to bed, but i might do my dirty little habbit first. i haven't in a while, but my mood instantly dropped like 45 minutes ago. i have a feeling it's because i didn't refill my citalopram for probably 5 days, and that's 5 days way too many. one day and i'm feeling it, 5 days, i don't think i've ever done that before. my head was hurting and i felt so so so sick and had no energy, and my dopamine or serotonin levels, whatever it fucks with, is totally whack now. my doc' told me that it would do that, and i should never skip, oi, she doesn't even need to tell me though, b/c i can feel it. boy can i.
okay, eyelids are heavy and Cat Power is lulling me away.
omg omg i can't wait for arielle to visit. i don't want any drama i just want to hang out with her b/c she totally puts me at ease.

rock of love

so i went to a rugby tournament again, and it was so much fun! we played in snow and had three games. I would say we rocked it, yes we lost, but it was SO much fun. we had one annoyance of the trip and chelsea got concussed, but other then that, awesome, ah, i love rugby so much. i think i played better then normal. my kicks were all good except for one, lol, and i tackled and had one good little break away and stiff armed a girl, it rocked. and the houses we stayed at were fun. but now, i'm back in seattle and i slept for like 3 hours and then studied and now i'm watching rock of love and doing this, but then i need to do homework. i have to write 3 pages of german, like a journal, and i need to read. i think i might just wake up early. but i don't know if that will actually happen if i do attempt that.
also, the red in my hair is fading out, :(
oi, i'm paying for german this week! ah! it's becoming almost set in stone! oi! so exciting! but my body is too sore from rugby to be sore. i'm excited for sasquatch but i don't know how i'm getting there or where i'm sleeping. bonnie said i could stay with her, but i don't want to intrude. okay, computer is dying. <3


[ONE] Who was your last text from?
Julie

[TWO] Where was your default pic taken?
(this is from myspace) sulfur, oklahoma


[THREE] What's your middle name?
Erin Brigiton everyone


[FOUR]Where are you?
on the couch


[FIVE] Does your crush like you back?
probably not

[SIX] What is your current mood?
blah




[SEVEN] What's your dads name?
Jim


[EIGHT] What color shirt are you wearing?
grey

[NINE] Would you kiss the last person you kissed?
again? um, probably not actually. yeah, no.

[TEN] If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
i wouldn't have drank so much the other weekend


[ELEVEN] If you won 20 million dollars would you give half to charity?
maybe, i would for sure give a lot away to my family and especially parents.


[TWELVE] Ever had a near death experience?
thankfully not



[THIRTEEN] Something you do a lot?
drink coffee



[FOURTEEN] Angry at anyone?
nah, maybe annoyed sometimes with certain people

[FIFTEEN] Do you wanna see somebody right now?
i would like to, but i need to do homework after this, so not this second

[SEVENTEEN] When was the last time you cried?
like a week or two ago, two.

[EIGHTEEN] Who would you do anything for?
a lot of people, my parents, siblings, and some of my friends

[NINETEEN] Who is your hero?
My dad, defintely.
(i'm going to agree with my sister's answer)

[TWENTY] What is the one thing you notice about the opposite sex first?
face and hair


[TWENTY-FIVE] Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
no

TWENTY-SEVEN] Do you speak any other languages?
german and i used to speak spanish so well, but i haven't in so long


[TWENTY-EIGHT] Whats your favorite smell?
warm smells, like caramel and apple cinnamon and pumpking...i LOVE candels



[TWENTY-NINE] Describe your life?
i'm kinda spoiled, but i'd like to think of it as 'blessed'....and i am very busy



[THIRTY-ONE] Do you like the rain?
That's one of the reasons i moved to Seattle!!!

[THIRTY-TWO] What are you thinking about right now?
how much homework i have, and i wonder who's getting voted off of Rock of Love


[THIRTY-THREE] What should you be doing right now?
more homework

[THIRTY-FOUR] What is your favorite memory?
Spending time with my parents and/or studying abroad in Spain

[THIRTY-FIVE] What are you listening to?
Vh1

[THIRTY-SIX] Who was the last person you told i love you to?
jenny gawf

[THIRTY-SEVEN] Who was the last person you yelled at?
wow, i haven't yelled at anyone in a long time

[THIRTY-EIGHT] Do you act differently around the person you like?
i get more awkward, but other then that, no

[THIRTY-NINE] What is your natural hair color?
blonde

[FORTY] Who was the last person to make you smile?
Bonnie, laughing at her falling in the snow