R.I.P. Jon T. Loch

so i'm back in Oklahoma. i'm already bored and ready to go back to Seattle, ASAP. Every time I come back here, it gets worse and worse. I wish my family lived in Everett or Kirkland or somewhere outside of Seattle, but still close enough that it doesn't take an entire day to get home. Nevertheless, I'm glad to see them and be in my nice warm house with lots of food and my kitties and dog. I'm pretty disappointed that I'm not getting to hang out with Arielle, however, it's a good thing I missed my flight in Atlanta, because otherwise i wouldn't have gotten to see her. I was literally leaving my plane all glum, when i heard her call my name, and sure enough, there was arielle! she was about to board the plane I just got off of! Fate! So, even though it was only for like 2 minutes, i'm glad I got to see her! she looked good! i'm jealous that she is going to germany though, hehe.
but yeah, i'm glad this quarter is finally over. it has definitely been the hardest one yet. i don't even want to check my grades, oi. i was sick, hurt, fat, depressed, confused, etc. ackkkk and then the icing on the fucking cake, we were supposed to have a great party and i was so sick from the night before, i couldn't drink and my friend died. I can't believe it, JT died. (god, my friends are so sweet too, i feel like i ruined the end of their party too, but i'm really thankful for their kindness). anyways, tomorrow is his funeral. I am just in shock. he is so hilarious and i really liked him. I just talked to him on myspace not that long ago, and my sister saw him this week when getting her nails done. she said that he wasn't himself, super quiet and depressed looking. he is such a loner. apparently he started doing hard drugs too, which is horrible. I just read his death notice in the paper, and it said that his boyfriend was his "best friend". I honestly think a huge cause of his death was related to the way that oklahoma treats the gay community. He was openly gay and very feminine. he dressed like a girl most of the time, and looked fabulous doing it. I remember one time, me, arielle, sydney, JT, and his friend all went to OKC to the gay club and then went to IHOP and his house and chilled. it was a great night that i'll always remember. he had his issues, but who doesn't. i just wish he would have told someone, or had lived somewhere more accepting.

i can't write anymore, but i will later this week i'm sure. i have nothing better to do.

Das Göttliche

ack! so i haven't been here in awhile and i shouldn't be here now! I am hours away from freedom...though short lived it will be. I'll finish my finals tomorrow morning, have fabulous days Thursday and Friday and then presumably with a massive hangover, fly back home with none of my family waiting at the airport and then spend close to three weeks doing nothing in Normal, Oklahoma. I'm going to try to work out a lot, since i've been out of rugby for over a month know on account of my ankle. oi vey. also, during those three weeks, my life is going to be hella stressful....details later....point is, i'm not looking forward to going home...although i love my family and horribly miss my pets and sister! G-d I love her!

anyways, over break i'll be blogging a lot because i'll have nothing else to do.... but for now, it's back to my main man Goethe!



Das Göttliche

Edel sei der Mensch,
Hilfreich und gut!
Denn das allein
Unterscheidet ihn
Von allen Wesen,
Die wir kennen.

Heil den unbekannten
Höhern Wesen,
Die wir ahnen!
Ihnen gleiche der Mensch!
Sein Beispiel lehr uns
Jene glauben.

Denn unfühlend
Ist die Natur:
Es leuchtet die Sonne
Über Bös und Gute,
Und dem Verbrecher
Glänzen wie dem Besten
Der Mond und die Sterne.

Wind und Ströme,
Donner und Hagel
Rauschen ihren Weg
Und ergreifen
Vorüber eilend
Einen um den andern.

Auch so das Glück
Tappt unter die Menge,
Faßt bald des Knaben
Lockige Unschuld,
Bald auch den kahlen
Schuldigen Scheitel.

Nach ewigen, ehrnen,
Großen Gesetzen
Müssen wir alle
Unseres Daseins
Kreise vollenden.

Nur allein der Mensch
Vermag das Unmögliche:
Er unterscheidet,
Wählet und richtet;
Er kann dem Augenblick
Dauer verleihen.

Er allein darf
Den Guten lohnen,
Den Bösen strafen,
Heilen und retten,
Alles Irrende, Schweifende
Nützlich verbinden.

Und wir verehren
Die Unsterblichen,
Als wären sie Menschen,
Täten im Großen,
Was der Beste im kleinen
Tut oder möchte.

Der edle Mensch
Sei hilfreich und gut!
Unermüdet schaff er
Das Nützliche, Rechte,
Sei uns ein Vorbild
Jener geahneten Wesen!
Johann Wolfgang Goethe

:(

i hate life right now.

wowza

so i'm actually leaving for seattle tomorrow. it's been a long summer, across america and europe. now i'm driving all the way back to seattle. i'm quite nervous. i'll feel better when i pick up jenny, but i still have 11 hours alone. it's going to be raining all day tomorrow too, eek. if i die, tell my family i love them and please don't vote for McCain.
hopefully i'll write another blog once i arrive in Seattle!!!!
i love all you guys!
see you Friday night!

USA

i'm back in America.

blah!

well, i'm waiting to go. I'm need to drop of CDs to the library and then go meet Katrina on the other side of berlin. oi, and i have to buy the fucking expensive ubahn day pass again. i have 20 euros in my pocket and only 80 euros in my bank account. sounds like enough, however, i have to by a 6 euro ubahn pass today, tomorrow, and saturday morning just a 2 euro one, but then i also need to buy souviners and a movie ticket friday night and my class is going out to dinner/bar tonight, but i think i'll just get a donner on the way and just have maybe one drink. oi vey. ALSO, i need to be prepared in case i need to pay to check my second bag at the airport! that could range from 20-50$...oh fudge, i don't know what to do. i hate having to worry about money! this whole trip has been like that.

anyways, i'm back in the states Saturday night, then i'll live off my parents for a week and then starve again in seattle.
god, i need a job!

Lua, no lies, just love please

so i was doing alright, but then the light switch got hit and i relapsed a bit. i'm ready to go to my parents house now, but i won't be there long. i can't stay anywhere long, i never have, i think i'll be a vagabond the rest of my life...


It was in the march of the winter I turned 17
that I bought those pills
I thought I would need
and I wrote a letter to my family
said it's not your fault
and you've been good to me
just lately I've been feeling
like I don't belong
like the ground is not mine to walk upon
and I've heard that music
echo through the house
where my grandmother drank
by herself
and I sat watching a flower
as it was withering
I was embarrased by it's honesty
so I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face
not this fucking wreck
that's taken it's place

so please forgive what I have done
no you can't stay mad at the setting sun
cause we all get tired I mean eventually
and there's nothing left to do but sleep

but spring came bearing sunlight
those persuasive rays
so I gave myself a few more days
my salvation it came, quite suddenly
when Justin spoke very plainly
he said "Of course it's your decision,
but just so you know,
if you decide to leave,
soon I will follow"

I wrote this for a baby
who has yet to be born
my brother's first child
I hope that womb's not too warm
cause it's cold out here
and it'll be quite a shock
to breathe this air
to discover loss
so I'd like to make some changes
before you arrive
so when your new eyes meet mine
they won't see no lies
just love.
just love.

I will be pure,
No, no, I know I will be pure.
Like snow- like gold-
like snow- like gold--

----------


I know that it is freezing, but I think we have to walk
I keep waving at the taxis, they keep turning their lights off
But Julie knows a party at some actor's West side loft
Supplies are endless in the evening by the morning they'll be gone

When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend
I'll get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations
with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection
The mask I polish in the evening by the morning looks like shit

And I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss
So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it
But me I'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split
The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist

You're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black
Just keep going to the bathroom, always say you'll be right back
Well, it takes one to know one, kid, I think you've got it bad
But what's so easy in the evening by the morning's such a drag

I got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train
And if you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same
We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain
But what was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane

And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did
It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
Cause what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is

It was so simple in the moonlight now it's so complicated
It was so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight
So simple in the moonlight...

jaeger bombbbbb

so this last weekend was interesting. my friend Gerrit visited. I have only met him a few times in Washington, but he is a German citizen and just moved back here. so he came on Friday by train, he lives 5 hours away, oi. he is also a lot hotter then i remembered. we chilled, he talked to my host mother in perfect german of course, we went out to dinner to my fave restaurant, then we tried to meet up w/ all of our friends at the biergarten in the tiergarten (which totally rhymes) but as usual, it didn't work out, we couldn't find eachother, and half of our group doesn't have cell phones. so we ended up running into two of my friends and we went around prenzlauer berg to bars. i feel a little bad though b/c that day we were on the Ubahn forever, going back and forth, and he had just ridden a train for 5 hours. then on saturday we were up bright and early went all around berlin, we went to: Potsdamer platz, the sony center, the holocaust memorial, Brandenburg gate/praiser platz, the Reichstag, unter den linden, toured the Dom which was really neat, went to the humbolt museum of natural history which was also cool, i learned lots of random animal names like a Dronte is a dodo bird, then went to the Charlottenburg Castle, but it was too expensive and not as impressive as i had hopped, so we left. went to the Ku'damm and saw the Kaiser Wilhelm Gedaenchtnis Kirche, but the inside was closed, so we just saw the outside and the inside of the new church. then we wandered for awhile, got dinner finally after not eating lunch all day, and then went to a bar, got drunk, played pool, which we both were horrible at, haha. and then went home. there were many many moments while in restaurants or on the ubahn when we had nothing to talk about, b/c we barely know each other and we are spending 48 hours together, but at the bar when we were drunk, we had plenty to talk about, haha. he is a really really cool guy. then, OMG. we were home at maybe 3am and after i fell asleep, i was woken up by the LOUDEST sex i have EVER heard. i couldn't tell if it was coming from the room next door where my host Frau sleeps or if it was coming from a different room in the apartment complex and echoing thru the courtyard and thru my open window. but no joke, i am a deep sleeper, and it woke me up and i could not sleep, haha. so this morning we woke up at like 1230 and went and got breakfast, but it sucked b/c everywhere we went was packed and the place we ended up at, was filled with wasps! i know they can't help it, cause we are outside and Gerrit had the Suessesfruestueck which came with nutella, jam, honey, etc. the wasps were so f-ing annoying though. then i took him to the Sbahn station and said goodbye. i hope he had a good time, despite the frequent bits of silence, and a few of our sites didn't work out and we did wander the city a LOT. hahaha. but yeah, then i meant to take a little nap when i got back at 3pm, but didn't wake up till 9pm and now i'm blogging and chatting w/ friends. hopefully i'll be able to fall asleep again later.

also, i cried a little today because i don't want to leave germany. seriously, if it wasn't for money and my friends, i would not go back. i want to move here after i get my RN accreditation i think. and i want to save up money all year and come here again to travel. i could visit Gerrit in Nuernburg and i'm sure some of my other german major friends will be here too. i could do it as a graduation present, if i graduate.

oi vey.
all though part of me is excited to go back, but only to see my friends/family.
mixed emotions!!!

Souled Out!

• so i'm supposed to write a skit in German about our class and we are presenting it to our amazing teacher next week. however, I can't think of anything. It needs to be funny and have a good punch line, but i can't think of anything. katrina wrote an entire song! it's really good too, rhymes and everything. it doesn't have to do with our class at all, but we'll work it in somehow. our teacher is really great. and i got my 11o Euros back today, so I splurged and bought a gelato Kugel. haha. but seriously, i needed that money.
  
• my friend is coming tomorrow! I don't know him very well, in fact, i've only really talked to him at parties when i'm low but oh well, he is cool from what i remember, and he has been ueber nice on the phone. today, I called him, but (back story! he is German/American, moved back to Germany a week ago and is now living w/ his G-parents here), and it was his house phone, b/c he doesn't have a cell phone here. so this lady answers, and i'm surprised b/c i just assumed Gerrit would answer. so in my valley girl accent, i say "um, hi is Gerritt there?" and this German Grandmother starts talking a bunch in German. she is like "Gerrit??" and i'm like...yeah?? is this his house? and she says his first and last name, and i'm like yes! i'm call for him! it was so funny, and i litterally talked to her for like 5 minutes b/c i wasn't ready to anticipating speaking german and it's hard over the phone when there is a southern american speaking german to a southern german, two way different accents! haha. but it all worked out and i'm picking him up at the train station tomorrow! I get to show someone around berlin, aren't I fancy, hehe. i hope he likes my friends and vice versa. and hopefully we'll have enough to talk about because we don't really know each other. Also, i built up the courage and asked my host Frau if he could spend the night friday night (i don't know if he is planning on staying saturday night, but i think he is) and she seemed surprised and she said yes, but i don't think she really wants. him too. she was like "only one night? hmm okay" and i said "my friend" and i'm sure she thinks its a girl. she always asks about my friends at school (using the feminine plural) and in english she always refers to my friends as "girls." it's hard to explain, but i think she assumes i'm like a 12 year old and only plays with girls....which is half true, lol. anyways, i think it'll be a good weekend, OMFG, MY LAST WEEKEND! in berlin! SAD!!!!!
• also, i am basically in LOVE with the flight of the conchords and i want to be from new Zealand. i love love love love LOVE Bret. BUT only when he has a beard, with out his beard, i just like him. haha. i really want to get HBO in order to watch this show all the time.
  
• also, i just watched the new Conor Oberst music video here on MTV germany. omg, it's so good. i think he is going to become more main stream then when he was with bright eyes. this makes me sad though. there is a shirt i want at threadless.com that says, "i listen to bands that don't even exist yet" hahaha. i'm SO glad CO cut his hair and looks healthy again. i think his trip to mexico was good for him. and he is so hot. and he was wearing a bathing suit in one scene, and he has a little tattoo of a sail boat that has never been shown to the public before, i think now a zillion emo bright eyes fans are going to go get it. if i was into tattoos, i would. i really wish i had a sleeve of tattoos, just one. SO BAD, but only for like 5 years. i would never want it when i'm 30+.
  
• also, my dad sent me an email saying he isn't sure he wants me to have a job in Seattle, WTF! he says that and rugby and school is too much. but mum told me i had to get one. they are so confusing! i want one though just to buy random shit like Tshirts, scarves, dvds, CDs, and posters. and trips to canada. i want to go to Quebec and visit my friend Charles and Serge.

bored

Besid​es your mouth​,​​​ where​ is your favor​ite spot to get kisse​d?​​​
neck.

How often​ do you see your ex?
hardly ever


Would​ you ever donat​e blood​?​​​
last time i tried, i couldn't, but i would if i could


Have you ever drive​n witho​ut a licen​se?​​​
yes, i drove all the way across the state of washington not knowing my license was was hella expired.


Have you ever had a best frien​d who was of the oppos​ite sex?
yes! jarrett is one of my best friends i'd say!

What does your last text messa​ge say?
it's in german from Amr, but i'm too lazy to get up and get it


Where​ did you buy the shirt​ you'​​​re weari​ng now?
GLASSFEST! i bought it from glassy

Ever kisse​d someo​ne who smoke​s?​​​
hmmm...probably


Is someo​ne on your mind right​ now?
kind of yes

Who has your heart​?​​​

a few ppl

Who was the last perso​n to text you?
Amr

Would​ you consi​der yours​elf to be spoil​ed?​​​
um, yes, but not overly


Do you belie​ve in love?​​​
of course

Do you miss anyon​e?​​​
Definately, LOTS of ppl


Do you curse​ a lot?
not a lot, but it's also not uncommon of me



Ever have a sleep​over with the oppos​ite sex?
yes


Are you close​r to your mothe​r or fathe​r?​​​
Father

Do you have trust​ issue​s?​​​
a bit, i'm a jealous person unfortunately

Have you ever punch​ed a guy?
i'm more of a slapper when it comes to guys


Did you like anyon​e last summe​r?​​​
no

Is there​ anyon​e you want to fight​?​​​
yessssssss, but it wouldn't solve anything


Did you talk to anyon​e this past winte​r?​​​
lol no, i stayed completely silent.



Do you have any pierc​ings?​​​
gauged ears, 2nd hole and i used to have a monroe and a very unfortunate industrial


What color​ is your hair?​​​
blonde

Is it dyed?​​​
yes, my hair is blonde, but not THIS blonde

Do you still​ talk to your exes?​​
seldom

What'​​​s the close​st red objec​t to you?
my red shirt

Could​ you date someo​ne talle​r than you?
I prefer it

Do you live near your best frien​d?​​​
right now i'm like 5,000 miles away, but i used to live near arielle, i lived WITH sydney, and i live WITH jenny

Your most recen​t ex says he/​​​she hates​ you, you say?
i'd be surprised!


You'​​​re in the hospi​tal,​​​ who of your frien​ds would​ come to see you?
last year, when i was in the hospital, jenny, lucy, and cameron visited me. and last summer when after i had surgery, arielle and caitlin visited me!



Have you ever had a surpr​ise birth​day party​?​​​
nope

How did you get your last bruis​e?​​​
i probably ran into something

Do you get along​ with dudes​ or chick​s bette​r?​​​
eh, depends, probably girls though, but it's about the same

Vitamin pills in my Gin

oh man, oh man. well, it's sunday night, 11:14, missed it by 3 minutes, damn. oh well, not like i really believe in wishes, but i do it anyways. so today has been pretty boring. I was going to go to Mass this morning, auf deutsch, but turned off my alarm in my sleep, as usual. I decided friday morning/afternoon when i was trying to force myself to get out of bed, that it feels like i have a drug running through my veins that paralyzes my body and won't let me get up. and it forces my eyes shut. then when i finally do get up, i'm mad at myself for not getting up during my "drugged" state of mind. i know this all sounds crazy, and some people just tell me to get up "you lazy bum" but seriously, i try, my body won't let me. anyways, back to my story, i didn't go to Mass, and of course everything is closed on Sunday, except restaurants and some museums. So I showed and dressed so cute, and I was going to go get some coffee, read, then go to the Check Point Charlie Museum, even though it is triple the price of all the other museums because it is a tourist site, but halfway down my looooong street, I realized I forgot my camera. ALSO, the second i stepped foot off out onto the street from my apartment building, it started raining. It's like in cartoons when the cloud follows someone. The weather said it was supposed to be only partially cloudy, but it def rained all day. So I didn't feel like going back and getting my camera, so I decided I'll just go late this week to this museum. I have so much to do this week though! I have this full week and this weekend, then my last week!!! So sad! I need to actually study too, I have the class test this Thursday, and next week I have the important expensive test. *god this is a good song, "Little Motel" by modest mouse*. I really don't want to leave Berlin, but at the same time I'm ready to go back to Seattle. It's hard to explain, I have mixed emotions on the whole situation. When I studied in Spain, I was there only 4 weeks and half way through I got so depressed and I couldn't stand it. I contacted the airport and tried to arrange flying home early but I would have had to pay so much more, I didn't have the money. I felt stuck in Spain. I cried all day every day, it as miserable. I also said "I Love you" to my mom for the first time since I was probably 8 years old. I stopped saying that to her a long time ago, and stopped saying it to my dad, only for the reason that I felt guilty for saying it to him and not her. However, I was 17 and stuck in Spain and I realized how "good" I have it back at home. I came home so happy and everything went back to being amazing: speaking English, going to IHOP, and hanging out with Arielle. haha. But it's weird, I feel--not empty--but not full either. Like part of me (my friends, my own home, my rugby team) is back in Seattle, but then I know that when I go back to Seattle, I'll miss Berlin and can't wait till I come back! Sometimes when I'm in Seattle, I miss Oklahoma too--correction! I miss my family, a few friends (arielle and jarrett etc.), and my house. I love my house so much. I feel so comfortable there, more than anywhere else in the world. I suppose it is my (OH I get to use a German word that has no English equivalent!) ,,Heimat", but Seattle is my new ,,home". Hopefully, one day I'll move here to Berlin though. If I had a few good friends from back home, or like the ones back home, or even my sister, I would be completely content here.
Speaking of my sister, God, I love that girl. I have said this before, and I'll say it again: she=me. I read her blogs, and it's like reading my own from high school. It's weird, because she is so mature in some aspects, and SO immature in others. I don't know if it's actually immaturity actually, in those other aspects. I think it's more that she is just naive and inexperienced (so am I though in a lot of instances). Other then that, we are so similar, and she knows it too. We are so comfortable with each other, and I love it. I wish we were twins, not identical, I like who we are now, but just the same age. I'm so worried about her though, so much of the time. She is so lonely. She has no friends, and the few she does have either live in a different city or don't treat her well. She really needs to dump her current "bff" if you could call it that. She says it's complicated. They were best friends since as long as I can remember, but now this other girl, well I just found out she was hospitalized for alcohol poisoning last weekend. Other things, she does drugs, drinks and drives, had an abortion, her boyfriend is older then me, the list goes on. Oh and she is only 16. Its really sad. I've just seen her change, go downhill. It's a shame. Her parents don't do anything at all about it. What she needs is a good, I don't know, spanking! lol. It's a little late for that though. I wish she could live a year with MY parents, they'd kick her into shape in no time. However, I don't wish this girl upon my folks.
So my host mother came home. She is not going to Muenchen now, so that means I have to give her her U-Bahn pass back, buy my own :( and spend more nights locked in my room. She is super nice, but I feel like I'm always in her way or she is looking down on me. Perhaps, it's all in my head, that seems to be the case often. Either way, when she is here, I'm usually in my room reading or awkwardly pacing the room, listening for when she is not in the hallway so I can sneak into the bathroom or kitchen z.B. While I've been here, I have read: "Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters" by J.D. Salinger <3, I started "Seymour, an Introduction" by Salinger, but I can't get into it. I started, for the 3rd time, "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundera, but I decided, I should read something new, despite it being my favorite book. (It's now sydney's fave book too). I also read "Russian Disco" by Vladimir Kuminer, "Among other things, i've started smoking" by ....I can't pronounce/remember the name, "The Old Man and the Sea" by Ernest Hemingway (maybe it's my mathematical brain, but I couldn't see the underlying metaphor if there was one...I need to read some essays or something over it), I started "Brave New World" in German but it was hard and I got bored with it. I'll try it another day in English maybe. I also randomly picked up a german book for teenagers, chosen by it's cover, I can't remember the name, oh shit what was it "Luege"...something. It's about a kid who's dad has gets AIDS from a blood donation years earlier. It was sad, but poorly written, so I read half and returned it to the library. I feel like I'm forgetting a major book that I read...hmm...anyhoo, I'm now reading "Angela's Ashes" which I thought was about WWII, I don't know why, I guess just the cover, I don't know really, but in case you don't know, it's not. It's ridiculously sad (therefore I love it of course!) and it's about this extremely poor Irish family. The author is Frank McCourt and it's a memoir. After I finish this blog, I'm going to read some more. It's great so far. Also, I made my mom feel bad I think about her snapping at me about my big toe, which I think I stress fractured, but maybe I'm being a hypochondriac as usual. OH also, my host mother said that she might go out with her friends tomorrow night, to "the cinema" or something. which makes my little heart hope that Manny is coming over....oi vey, I hate myself. so much.
----------
*i'm now posting this blog at 7.47pm monday, b/c i couldn't get online last night, and i just wrote this blog on Notepad instead. now looking back, Manny did not come today, due to the fact that the Frau is still here, and even if she wasn't, her child is visiting the grandmother. Shade :(
and secondly, I went the the Jewish Museum for SEVERAL hours today, and it was a great museum, i highly recommend it! the architecture was probably the best part. it was insane. here is a birds eye view. the walls were also slanted and empty voids and interactive things, and art you could walk on, and this cool "garden of exile". if you go to berlin, go to this museum. I also learned how to write my name in hebrew....

Ku'damm

• so i had one beer with dinner (yes, it was a half liter of strong german beer), but still! i couldn't walk straight and i felt like if i had another i'd be drunk! omg. my stomach hurts too, i ate too much. but nor more then usual. i don't know what's wrong with me today!?!?!
• the survey i did in the previous blog, i didn't realize the last part was "in the past year", so you can disregard it. lol.
• i went to kurfürstendamm today on a tour with Goethe. it was lovely. very expensive shopping though, like Gucci, Channel, Yves St. Laurent, etc. pretty though. and there was the Kaiser-Wilhelm-Gedaechtnnis-Kirche. a bit too touristy, but still, nice. well, as nice as a bombed out remembrance of WWII can be... here is a picture, i didn't take it though (i'll upload those later):

• my Host mother/brother are getting home today...i like them, but i don't want them to! i like having the apartment to myself!! she thinks it's bad that i'm always on the computer or watching TV, so i feel bad. I only do it in the evenings though when i have nothing else to do, if i'm not going out!! oi vey.
• also, i watched Legends of the Fall last night. it was really sad. but Marina from the L Word was in it!
• omg my stomach hurtsssss!!!
• i hope i see him again before i leave...
• i'm going to be on the road for my birthday, which sucks!!
• i love watching gymnastics, i wish i could do it. the olympics are so cool, but they are only showing the Germans mainly here. omg, and there are 16 Huskies competing!! woo!!
• okay, this blog was a waste of your time, i'm sorry.
  

can't sleep

i can't sleep. drank too much caffeine, slept too much last night, and did too little today. oi vey!

Would you rather live in Alaska, or Texas?
oi. i would like to visit alaska, but i guess if i had to live somewhere, Austin, Texas.


Did you mean it when you said "i love you" last?
Yes

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face?
in my dream last night i rugby tackled and started punching someone that really has been annoying me lately, and then i got pulled off last night. it was weird. i felt like it was really happening. i bet i was punching my pillow in my sleep. that's some built up aggression, i'll tell you. i need to get back into rugby!


Is it okay if you kiss people when you're single?
of course! that's a stupid question.

Do you have a best friend you can tell stuff to and your sure they wont tell?
yeah, i have several best friends. depends though if they won't tell. all my friends are gossip queens! i mean that in a loving way though. my sister is the best secret keeper though.

Could you go a day without eating?
no way, jose. you don't get my killer body by not eating. hahaha


Do you know anyone that smokes pot?
ahhh...see, this is what happens when you copy a bulletin off myspace. you get retarded questions like this one.

What is wrong with you right now?
i'm too fat and lazy.

Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
i sure hope so!!!!

Do you plan on kissing the last person you kissed again?
i'm not planning on it, but maybe.

Do you crack your knuckles?
yes. i crack everything.

Do you own big sunglasses?
yeah, they are goofy.

Would you go in public looking like you do right now?
yes, i did earlier today. i would go in public in basically anything. i was on the balcony in my towel earlier, not that that is really "public" but, you get the picture.

Would you kiss someone to make your bf/gf mad?
depends on the situation

Do you like someone right now?
eh, not really. nothing attainable. i'm into someone in Germany right now, but i'm moving back, so it doesn't matter.

Do you want to go back to school?
kinda. i want to go back to seattle and move into my new house!

Can you handle the truth?
yeah

Are your nails painted?
i just painted them! but the color isn't as nice as i expected.

Do you wear heels?
rarely. i like wedges better, but my current ones made my toes bleed, i don't know if i'll wear them again. but last summer, i wore those same ones everyday practically and they were fine! i'm looking for new shoes right now.

Name a couple of your favorite colors?
dark purple and grey

Do you know your father's birthday?
yes

Did you like anyone last summer?
um, last summer. nope. nobody.

Do you believe exes can really ever be "just friends"?
depends.

Ever kissed a blonde haired, blue eyed person?
um, wtf, *thinking*thinking* yes. yes i have.


Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?
yeah, if it's worth it

Ever flung a rubber-band at anyone?
ja

Is your mom high-maintenance?
mmm...kind of

Do you remember the Pepsi Commercials with Brittany Spears?
Nope

What did you have for breakfast today?
Pizza, b/c i woke up at 2pm.

Can you determine the difference between a ball and a strike?
i think so

Have you ever felt replaced?
for sure!!!!

Are you too shy to tell people when you're developing feelings for them?
YES.

Do you dance while getting ready for whatever?
def not.

Have you broken a bone or had stitches?

yes!!! i broke my leg and my nose. and i've needed stiches before, but didn't get them.

Did you ever consider a modeling career?
i wish. i'm too fat and uggo though.

What color are your toe nails painted?
this ugly peachy skin color

Do you read horoscopes?
i used to every day. now just occasionally, i don't go out of my way though.

Do you use t9 word, or abc?
what is T9???????????????

How old are you?
19

Who all is under "j" in your contacts in your cell phone?
i don't know where my phone is. jenny dillon and no one else that i can think of. (Jenny G. if you are reading this, i didn't forget you. you are just under Gawf ;)


Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence?
um, Vitalli or Daniela or Ed, idk. lots of ppl smoke here.

When is the last time you touched drumsticks?
in June, i found one of marian's old drumsticks. and maybe i played w/ some of sydneys back home too, idk

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My mom

What are you excited about?
moving into the new house, road trip with gawf, seeing my friends again, starting back up with rugby, not having to pay the exchange rate.


How do you make your money?
by being born to wealthy parents...or selling tacos occasionally...

First person you texted today?
i think Katie

What color are your eyes?
green

How long does it take you to shower?
eh, 10 minutes maybe

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
always

Are you happy right now?
i'd say 7.75 out of 10

What were you doing at midnight last night?
reading

Do you want to get married & have children one day?
yes yes yes

Is there any food that you are craving right now?
nope, i'm pretty full

Doesn't a minute seem much longer when you're waiting and watching time?
yes

Who do you not get along with?
stubborn, ignorant, racist, judgmental people (i'm thinking of someone in particular)

Who are all the texts in your inbox from?
gawf, katie, sydney, glass, mom

Are you waiting for something?
waiting for me to get sleepy so i can go to bed

Are you wearing make-up?
a little powder...

Do you tend to fall for people easily?
i don't know, maybe, yeah

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night?
haha, i had a full 14 hours.

If there was a large spider in your room, would you stay?
yes, i just killed one two days ago. i felt bad, but it was big and not like i've ever seen before. exotic german spiders, lol.

Do people ever mistake you for being a different race?
um, nope. i've been mistaken for a different nationality many a times though.

Is there some form of medication you should take?
tooooo many

Where is your most ticklish spot?
nope. none. don't even try it. okay, there is one spot, but only a few ppl know it

SO FAR IN '08 I HAVE...

[x] broken a promise
[x] made a new friend
[x] done something i swore never to do
[x] lied
[x] went behind your parents back
[x] cried over a broken heart
[x] disappointed someone close
[x] hidden a secret
[x] pretended to be happy
[x] got arrested
[] kissed in the rain
[x] slept under the stars
[x] gotten in a fight
[] met someone who changed your life
[x]met one of your idols
[x] changed your outlook on life
[x] sat home all day doing nothing
[x] pretended to be sick
[x] left the country
[] almost died
[x] drank yourself retarded
[] lost someone close to you
[x] been to the hospital
[x] gotten closer to someone
[x] streaked
[x] cried over someone
[] given up something important to you
[x] talked on the phone all night
[x] learned something new about yourself
[x] tried something you normally wouldnt try and liked it
[x] made a change in your life
[x] found out who your true friends were
[x] made a total fool of yourself
[x] met great people

Nico

so I just wrote a really long letter to Bonnie. it's 5 pages long, and i wrote it in rainbow. every couple lines i changed color. I love colored pens, but i'm partial to the purple one. I wish I had typed the letter though and turned it into a blog. i could do that, but i am too lethargic today. I the was walking to class, late as usual, and then decided not to go. I hate coming late, and i would have been over 2 hours late....so I didn't go. Instead I went to the coffee shop and read for about two hours, bought pens, envelopes, and groceries to make lunch and went home. it took me a while to write the letter and cook. then i watched a zillion flight of the conchords videos, which i highly recommend. i think i'll get their CDs to listen to on the roadtrip. now it is 4pm and i'm bored, but too lethargic to go anywhere and all the museums close in two hours anyways. I don't feel horrible though because friday night I went to the lake and the the beer fest. saturday I toured the reichstag, went out to dinner and a movie with Trina, and then sunday woke up at 7am and spent the entire day at the zoo! my feet hurt so bad from walking so much, but it was well worth it! so i had a really good weekend, filled with activities, so it's okay that i'm lazy today I guess. but i only have 3 weeks left! there is still a lot i want to do, and i don't want to waste my time, b/c i dont know when i'll be back in Germany! but for now, i need more coffee, badly! but then, what's the point of drinking caffeine if i'm not going to do anything? oi, and my street is so longg. but i'm really not going to do anything if i don't drink more coffee, b/c this morning i only had plain coffee, not espresso. i don't want to go back into Balzac though, that would be weird. i know, i could go to Alexanderplatz, get some souvenirs and get starbucks in the ball next to it. oi, but it's expensive! i also want to buy persepolis but i need to finish my current book(s). oh man, i so want to see Der Baader-Meinhof Komplex, but it's not coming to America, so I'll have to wait for the DVD. sad day.



oh and my blog is titled Nico, b/c i just found out that Nico from the velvet underground was german. i so didn't know that. and she is buried here in berlin.

who is from Nordrhein-Westfalen?!?!

so another day in berln. i skipped class again, why...i'm not sure. i was woken up by a delightful phone call, from my usually drunk friends. they were swimming at the beach, how lovely. i just remembered that i missed the small conor oberst show in seattle, schade. oh, and i finished the book "russian disco". it was ...good. i liked it but there wasn't really any meaning to it. it wasn't really a novel, it was just what the title says, "everyday lunacy in the streets of berlin". so LOTS of short chapters with random stories. only a few were really connected, well they were all connected in that they dealt with russians/immigrants living in Berlin, but that's about all. I told my host-mother that i read it but she seemed weary of the book. perhaps the Berliners don't like it themselves. idk. but my teacher seemed happy that i was reading it, so who knows. today i bought some nailpolish, it's supposed to be purple, but it looks black. but i'm okay with that. also, i wandered in to H&M and ended up buying a new shirt/vest. i've been looking for a vest since January! i'm glad i waited, because this one is PERFECT. it's dark purple! my favorite color!!!! and i got a black plain Hemd to go with it. HOWEVER, when i was leaving the dressing room, i had also some other random articles of clothing, one being a "Hemdkleid". so basically it looked like a man's button up blue, slightly stripped, shirt, yet longer and fit for a woman, and it is meant to be a dress. i would have bought it in a heartbeat, but i didn't want to spend any more money. so when i was leaving, it was in front of all the other clothes, and i was hanging it back on the rack of clothes you don't want, when this lady stopped me. to give you more of a picture in your head, the shirt/dress was Large (because i am quite large, especially compared to all the skinny germans), and it was unbuttoned, so it looked even larger. so, being a large size, unbuttoned, and a dress, it did look big i guess. so this lady, who was taller then me and i had noticed earlier because she had grossly large breasts, stares at the Hemdkleid and says (in german natuerlich) "is that a maternity dress?" and i instantly shrugged my shoulders b/c i was in my own zone for the past hour not speaking a word of german, and while shrugging my brain translated what she said. great. basically i look pregnant. or at least, like i wear pregnant clothing. i looked down while leaving, red in the cheeks, at my little pot belly. i suppose it does look like i could have another human being growing inside me, and i should probably do some more crunches and lay off the beer, but i'd say it goes with the rest of my big body, and personally I don't think i look pregnant, but apparently i do. greattttttttt.
so, as i said in my last blog, i was hopping that Manny instead of the romanian girl would come babysit. but my host mother came home with her son, so i gave up my hope and stopped thinking about it. i went to the store and came back and she wasn't home and i went on the computer as usual. (she always makes snide comments about me always being online). anyways, i'm sitting here, looking only semi-decent when the doorbell rings from down stairs. i assume susanne has left her keys, so i say into the intercom "helllllllllo?" and then a man's voice replys and catches me off guard and it's Manny! i was surprised to hear him b/c A) they weren't here and B) susanne was w/ the child. so i ask him, in english, b/c i'm a retard "are you hear to babysit??" and he says "yes" and i ring him up. i leave the door open and go to the computer. he comes in and i'm like 'thomas?" and i tell him in german "sorry for speaking english blah blah, susanne isn't here blah blah" turns out he is a bit early and he is really sweaty. he was saying something too fast in german and so i said "was? (what?)" just wanting him to slow down but he speaks english for like the first time i've ever heard, other then when he says American band/movie names. and he says something to the sort, in a HEAVY german accent "i run here, sweat a lot" omg. can you say adorable! apparently he DOESNT speak english very well. i thought he was fluent. now, maybe it was just a bad moment for his english, and maybe he is good, but from what i know, he isn't...let's say...perfect. then he is unbuttoning his shirt and i nervously start glancing at back and forth between my computer and him, so as to not stare, and i'm sure my face flushed b/c then he started buttoning it back up, and i don't think he has anything to hid, his arms are pretty buff. and then he asks if he can take a quick shower, b/c like i said he was pretty sweaty from running her. and i couldn't help but notice the way the light hit his moist cheeks and made his face look pretty chiseled. omg, look at me going on and on! but i'll continue. so then i got this huge ass smile on my face, because i am SUCH a dork. he asks for a towel so i get him one and he is so grateful, b/c as usual he is SO nice. then he is in the shower as i'm here in the living room like 'omg.' but then susanne and the child come home, "great". my imagination bubble popped w/ a loud snap! then i heard him say my name to the child later and it took me a second to realize he said my name, b/c it wasn't like "germangermangermanLINDSAYgermangerman". it all blended together, b/c like i said, apparently he has a mega german accent, that i never really thought about before. then i had to go cause i was meeting up w/ my friends, which was awesome we saw "american hardcore" and ate at this awesome restaurant. then i got home at midnight and he was still there, even though susanne answered the door, and i was like WTF? in my head. i think they were having a heart to heart though, she is a single mom who works a lot and has been having too much to do, cause when he left he gave her a hug, but NOT like there was something sexual going on behind the scenes, it was totally innocent. i swear. plus, she has a boyfriend. or i think he is her boyfriend. they sleep together at least. omg, i hope she never reads this! i go on and on about all this! goodness me. anywho, i heard him say to her that he will be stopping by sunday. yessssss. wait, but she is leaving tomorrow for vacation?!? did i hear that wrong? or will i be a freak and stay home all day sunday in hopes that he'll come by and only lil'ole me will be here?? probably that, cause i'm a freak, as previously stated. also, she is going on vacation for 2 weeks, but may only stay for 1 week. and she might, if no one at work takes her Ubahn pass, let me have it for those 1, or 2, weeks. which would save me a lot of money! i'm only here for 3 more weeks, and that would cost me 72euros, which is over 100$! woo hoo! maybe then i'll go back and buy that Hemdkleid.

okay, after reading this blog, it has further reestablished the FACT that i am a bonafied creeper/freak/loser.

I should try to be less of that. btw, who reads me blog anyways??! am i talking to no one, or what? i see that the hit-counter goes up everyday, but i hardly ever get any comments....if you read this you should leave a comment saying either "freak" "loser" or "creeper" for which ever you think describes me the best.

danke sehr,
verrueckt!!!!!


my school/neighborhood!!! see the brown middle chunk of buidling, south on your screen of the park w/ the water tower thing. that's my school! and in the park there is a built in trampoline. it's fun.

Arbeitlos!

well, I had a rough couple past days in Berlin, but I'm getting over it. I still love the city, I just needed a couple "mental health days" as they call it. I complain about the heat here, but it's nothing Oklahoma, where it's dreadfully hot. ohh, it's 3:30 and the nanny usually comes around 4-5. I hope that Delia was canceling when she called last night, and hopefully it's the male nanny. He is so nice. Also, I've been searching online for a job, and it's nearly impossible! I want to get a job in Seattle, preferably in a hospital. I wouldn't mind cleaning equipment or just doing grunt work, I would really like to work in a hospital. Or a lab, I enjoyed working in a lab last summer, but I would prefer a Hospital. However, I have a feeling I am going to end up in either a restaurant, the locker room in the gym, or at the library. So exciting...not. That's what I get for having no degrees (yet), certifications, qualifications, or useful experience.
I just found out that to take the test at the end of my course here in Germany, it is almost $500!!! I can't afford that. >_< this sucks. I just emailed the Germanics department at my university to see if it is required in order to receiver credit, and if so, if there is any way I could get a waiver...HA like that's going to happen. This seriously BLOWS.
Also, I haven't done much in berlin the last 2 weeks. I only went to one museum, which was really good though. It was the neu nationale galerie here in Berlin. Outside, they had the identical Obelisk statue as in Red Square back home, crazy! There was this great collection of art by... i think his name was yoshimi hashimoto...but i'm not sure. I have it written down somewhere. He took fantastic photographs that dealt with science, math, and perception. It was fabulous. There are still a bunch of places I want to go to in berlin, and only 3 and a half weeks left. But that's adequate time.
Okay, perhaps i will read now. I'm reading a fabulous book right now! actually....i'm reading lots of books! i'm reading "russian disco", "among other things i've taken up smoking", "the unbearable lightness of being" (again), this german book that I forgot the name of, i just liked the cover at the library, but it's sad and is about a kid whose dad has aids. I'm also reading "johnny panic and the bible of dreams" and "seymour, an introduction".
yeah, i am ADHD so can't focus on one book at a time! but i think I will finish "russian disco" first b/c its really good and about places in berlin that I go to everyday!

itch itch WITCH

Last person to text you?
i think my mom actually...nope Jenny just texted me!

Who is your last missed call?
jenny and glassy at the same time

What time did you wake up today?
before my alarm went off, i didn't have the best day today or yesterday

Is there anybody that you trust 100%?
sydneyyyy

Are you satisfied with your life right now?
i wish i was happier, better at german, and had more money

What did you do yesterday?
nothing. i slept till 5pm then did nothing.



Does love scare you?
no

Where are you right now?
in my "home" in berlin, germany

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
the UW book store

Who was the last person that left you a comment?
sydneyyyy

What is your background on your phone?
it has a pic of a dinosaur and says "all my friends are dead.

" just like my tshirt

What would you do if you won the lottery?
pay my parents back for EVERYTHING

Do online and long distance relationships work?
If you're in love

Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?
montessori

Would you ever get a belly piercing?
maybe if i was skinny

Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
Unfortunately

Do you like to spend time with people?
it depends.

i can't spend the WHOLE day with people or i get annoyed

Were you happy when you woke up today?
absolutely not, i woke up worrying about money

What are you listening to right now?
german being spoken in the kitchen

Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
um, just about everyone that i've liked

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
my bed here in germany? as of two days ago, dust bunnies, but i vacuumed

Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
Marian :)

Last time you laughed?
a couple hours ago

Do you regret anything from your past?
i regret not doing things, but i really don't regret doing anything. maybe i should think about that.



If you could seek revenge on someone, would you?
nah

Last beverage?
carbonated water, cause that's how i roll now that i'm in europe

Last nap?
i attempted one today but couldn't, cause i was too antsy

Favorite month(s)
OCTOBER! fo' sho'

Favorite number(s)?
13

Would your parents be mad if you got pregnant today?
they'd be disappointed probably, i'd be madder then they would.

i'd also be SHOCKED and i must be the next Mother of God cause i'm a virgin!

What are you doing Saturday?
touring the Reichstag....and then probably getting drunk w/ my friends

Excited for anything?
no.

well, moving into my new house! and my roadtrip w/ gawf!

Last time you were confused?
I don't know, i'm always confused

Do you like to cuddle?
depnds

Are you a jealous person?
unfortunately, very, very jealous.



Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
hmmmm....i think 24 is max, maybe 28 hours. i basically love to sleep.



Where is your phone?
in my pocket. it's my favorite pocket. it's on my skirt. i dig it.



Are you mad at someone right now?
um, i'm annoyed w/ someone! but it's not their fault.



What makes you laugh no matter what?
Marian Li-Pino!!

Are you tired?
tired of being tired.

Deutschland Fuer Obama....

so i've been going out on the weekends and it's been fun. gin and tonics, beer, and friends. we have been speaking less german though, which is bad! i need to get back to speaking it more often. tonight i am going out w/ two American friends to a bar then to our friend's party.i think we might have a visit from a certain green fairy as well tonight. let's see how that goes. also, i've been dying for some Thai Tom's! i haven't had any tofu here since i arrived...that needs to change! oi vey. i also need to go to the store and pick up some food/drinks to contribute tonight. it's going to be weird when i go back to the states, to not be able to buy a beer in the grocery store. it's funny, b/c i CAN buy it here, it's no big deal, so i don't go crazy like ppl do in the US.
so i saw Barack Obama give a speech in Berlin. it was amazing. we waited forever! several hours. there were lots of security and police, of course. the German police look very intense. more like military uniforms then police uniforms. when you got inside, they sold beer too, it was funny. and had music on the loudspeakers. i got interviewed by one of Obama's employees which was neat, but i doubt it will go into print anywhere, i'm NOT fluid w/ my words. haha. we were also EXTREMELY close. i have some pics on FB. i was also glad that he did NOT mention anything about "ich bin ein Berliner"!

i'm going to move here. period.

omg, berlin is still wonderful. i love it so much! as the subject of this blog entry states, i AM going to move here one day. for sure. i haven't blogged in a while. things are going as usual, hanging out with friends here, going to museums, bars, food, class, etc. we went to a small DDR museum that was interactive and fun. also, a good mexican restaurant called Frida Khalo. the last two nights i finally had more then 1 beer and i was a little buzzed, it was nice. my new fave drink, GIN and TONIC. yummmmmm. also sex on the beach is absolutely delicious. right now it's 4:30 and i should be studying i suppose. OH SHIT! i just now remembered that i was going to go on a tour of the Synagogue at 2:30!!! fudge. >_<
the only way this trip would be better, is that i had all my friends and my sister here!!
and one more question, who reads my blog that is from Verl, Nordrhein-Westfalen, Germany and someone from Seymour, Indiana, USA? i don't really care that you read it, i'm just curious because i don't think i know anyone there, but you two frequent my blog often, lol.
okay, well off to get some good coffee and study some german vocab!
<3

graduating?

so.....here is the deal. I did horribly all year in chem and i did poorly in biology, even though i loved the class! it was one of my absolute favorite classes so far in college! I just need to face reality: i'm not a good test taker and these quantitative classes are just not right for me. I tried, I really did. I went through the entire Chemistry series, the whole year. I feel like I truly did try. I didn't quit after the first quarter, even though I wanted to. Now I can honestly feel satisfied that I tried my best, but sometimes it's not good enough. I won't look back 10 years from now and think, "oh, well maybe if i had gone through the entire year and not have quit after the first quarter, i would have done better." So yeah, I did the whole year, and realized it's not for me. THEREFORE, here is my plan for my education. I can graduate this year with a bachelor's degree in German Language & Literature. Since I got that head start in High School taking German classes at OU and studying abroad, I can finish my degree in only 3 years. So I will finish up my degree this year and work hopefully get a job in the hospital, because for my 4th year of college, even though I will have my bachelor's degree, I found a program at the Seattle Community College where I can get my RN (yes, Registered Nurse) accreditation that takes only 1 or 2 years! I can also work on getting Washington residency. If I work the whole time, and perhaps with a little help during this next year, I can pay for a lot of it, because compared to UW, this school is pennies, and I can finish it in 1-2 years. Then I could work in a hospital, anywhere! Nurses are in such high demand right now!! Also, there is a program in New York that one of my friends is doing with her Degree (in government). If you have a bachelor's degree in anything you can apply to this state of New York paid for program that gets you a master's degree in teaching! Then I could be a German teacher! So....I'm not going to be an ueber rich Dentist...but perhaps if I become a nurse I can marry a doctor ;) I am happy with this and I think everything will work out for the best. I am studying what I love, GERMAN! And I think it would be fabulous to be a nurse or a teacher, I truly do! I am absolutely happy with my plan and I look forward to this coming year.

6. Tag

So, it's a fine afternoon in berlin. this weekend i went to many museums, the german history museum (sehr schoen!!), the bode museum (not as schoen), and heute the Berlinischer Galerie (pretty good). It was in kreuzberg and after that myself and a few friends at at the very lovely cafe outside of the Galerie. Yesterday was America fest as well, but we weren't there very long. they had no vegetarian food. also, finding DRINKS in berlin is my least favorite part of the day. everything is already so expensive, and there are no water fountains and the water out of my house tap is unbearably nasty. therefore i must buy viele overpriced Wasser. oi, i'm so dehydrated. but other then that and the fact that everything is expensive, i LOVE BERLIN!!!!!!!!!!! i've gone to the movies twice too, which is weird cause i never go ins Kino. I saw a british film "happy go lucky" and "indiana jones" both were alright. they were in the Sony center which was awesome though. i need to take more pictures though of this trip. since my camera was f-ing STOLEN out of my own Ravenna house, i have to use my mom's, which isn't very good, but at least she let me use it!! anyways, i guess i don't feel like blogging, i'm too tired, i think i'll take a nap even though its 5.18pm, haha. ooo and tomorrow the cute babysitter comes! lol. eek, and i still have a lot of homework. i should go! CIAO!

Mein 1. Tag in Berlin

Okay, well it’s not just my first day, but i guess it’s my first 24ish hours in Berlin... So I left Saturday from OKC at 4pm and arrived in Berlin Sunday at 2pm. It was not 22 hours though, because there is a 9 hour time difference, however, I don’t remember if that is from Oklahoma or Seattle. The food on the plane was disgusting. I flew with Lufthansa though and it was quite nice, other then my Pilz-filled vegetarian food. The plane was HUGE too, a double decker! Crazy, I’ve never been on a plane with two stories before! So far I love Germany. Frau Guenther warned me that Germans are not overly friendly like Americans and they are very frank, etc. However, everyone that I have talked to has been SO nice to me! I get a little annoyed when some of them speak English to me, but I think those that do are just trying to help me out. Many people think I am German though, I had a German man ask me some question, about directions I think and on the airplane the Stewardess would speak to me in German initially, however I noticed that when she talked to some other people she spoke English from the get-go. Needless to say I am pleased with this. I attempted to bring my “European” looking clothes on this trip. It is still pretty obvious though in my opinion that I am American. I am soooo fat compared to the Germans and I don’t smoke. I’m comparing almost everything here to Spain, since that is the only other European country I personally know, and there are a lot of similarities and differences. First of all, my face, hair, and skin do not stand out like a sore thumb as much here (since I am half German) compared to Spain where everyone is so dark. It is also much richer I would say here. There are many fancy stores like Dolce & Gabana and I saw a Farrari and a Bentley car dealership. There are still quite a bit of homeless people. Not as much as Seattle, but still it is noticeable. I also saw two Starbuckses!! Yes, I know I should go to a local store, and I will, but I just wanted some so bad. They didn’t have peppermint syrup though for my Americano, sad day. Also, instead of Half and Half they had whole or low fat milk. Not as good, but it will suffice. Anyways, here is what I have done so far. When I arrived in Berlin I took the correct bus from the airport and got off at the correct stop AND took the right UBahn and got of at the right spot. Damn I’m good. (not for long though, as you will see). The public transit here is tight. Then I went to my Hostel and checked in, I stayed in a room of 8. It was interesting, but still nice. Very modern inside and everyone was so friendly. I then walked around semi-aimlessly until I got a 0.5L of Becks and a Falafel Wrap. I returned to the hostel and slept until the Germany vs. Spain soccer game. Everyone and there dog in Berlin were DECKED OUT in German flags. It was awesome! I had another Becks and a tomato and mozzarella sandwich in the Hostel’s café. I watched half the game but then I got bored and went upstairs and read. After the game my roommates came in and played poker and smoked weed. The asked me to join, but I declined. There were very nice too. They also asked if it bothered me and if it did they would leave, but I didn’t care. I slept through most of the night, I did wake up around 6am but feel back asleep kind of until 9 something. I then took and awkward shower, because it was very small and you have the push the water button every 30 seconds or so. Then I ate some bland muesli and packed up my stuff. I had a little bit of trouble finding my school, but the starbucks lady helped me. Everyone was new today there, unlike at my school in Spain. This was nice. I personally checked in with a woman for a few minutes, then met up with another who talked to me about the Culture program. She gave me a cool notebook too. Then I took a long placement test including multiple choice, an essay, and an interview. I did alright on the test, I don’t know about the interview though. I don’t think I’ll be in the highest class, but I think I will be in one of the higher levels. I briefly talked to an Italian girl, her name was SO difficult to say though, I can’t remember it. Here everyone says my name wrong anyways, same with Spain. They always emphasize the “-say” part of my name: “linD-SAY” instead of “Lin-zee”. But, oh well. After I was done with everything at school, I left my stuff there and wandered the city for a few hours. I walked by many famous sites too. Everything I did was on the East side. I walked to Brandenburg gate, but, get this, there was a wall and die Polizei blocking me and everyone else from getting over there. Hahahaha, irony. This was just because of some big event they were having there, but I have no clue what it was. I took my time walking, which is not something that I normally do and I walked by some things that my dad had in his old pictures. Although in his pictures there are DDR guards marching outside, but today there are people with ice cream cones and flip flops. After a while of scoping out the town, which is HUGE, 8x the size of Paris! I went back and got my stuff but had so much trouble finding where I was supposed to go. In a nutshell: 2 SBahn rides, 1 Ubahn ride, ENDLESS amounts of walking, and one taxi ride until I got to my new home. I feel so dumb though, when I finally got fed up and into a taxi, it was ONE block away from where I was supposed to go. OI VEY! Also, my phone was not working when I was calling Susanne, the lady I am with or when I called the school. I know that it is not because my phone doesn’t work here, because it does, I even pick up T-Mobile, it’s just that I think I am dialing it wrong somehow. I keep getting the German operator. When I finally got here I was so hot and my feet hurt, but not HALF as much as my back. OMG my back hurts so badly. I had my mom’s military backpack on and my back still hurts, and probably will for a few days. Every muscle is so tight, I need a good massage. Her apartment is SO cute. It’s a but messy I suppose, not really messy actually, just cramped, but I really like it! Everything is small except my room. My room is quite large!! She also has a HUGE D&G poster with a half naked sweaty man which I think is hilarious and I can’t stop starring at it. Hahaha. I can’t decided if I like it or not though. Speaking of half naked sweaty men, I’m in the “gay district” I think. I read it wikipedia and also when walking the streets, I saw many rainbow flags and even a rainbow “men’s sauna” lol. Humboldt university also had a Rainbow flag on it’s main building. It is probably because they just had their Gay Pride this last weekend. The woman I live with, whom I’m going to avoid calling her by name because it is too informal her to call her “susanne” but she is so young looking that I don’t want to call her “Frau ___” plus, I don’t know how to pronounce her last name. It doesn’t seem very German. Although she is, she even grew up on the East side during the cold war! She speaks English and French fluently, but I don’t like how much English she is speaking to me. She has a 5 year old son who is, well, the typical 5 year old. Susanne is so beautiful too. Almost everyone here is. God I love Germany. So I don’t know when I will put this up, because her wireless internet doesn’t seem to be working. She is downstairs right now at the neighbors asking them how to get it to work, since they use it too. Also, hopefully when you see this it will have my cell phone pictures, but as of right now I can’t find the cord to plug my cell into my computer…

Tomorrow is my first day of school! 8:30am! Omg. I’m going to have to wake up early because I’ll have to leave around 7:30am because we are supposed to get there around 8 since it’s the first day. Oi vey! I want to sleep but I feel lame, even though its 10pm, but it’s still semi light outside!

First day of class:

Okay it has been a day since this blog, I haven’t been able to post it online until now. Class was great! I have 2 friends now! Katia from Russia and Aimee, a grad student at Columbia. I am still very tired and I think after I post this blog I will take a nap or watch German MTV.

The Kitchen

The very narrow bathroom

Balcony
Moi
other side of the balcony

The woman and her son's rooms both have high beds, its crazy! i kinda wish mine was high too... she says that many people in Germany have high beds like this

Before my trip, in oklahoma, with the heaviest backpack in the world...
my room!
this poster is in my room....it's HUGE too, probably 6 feet high

other view of my room

view out my room

Berlin

well, i got here safe and sound! BERLIN GERMANY! i'm exhausted though, so i'll write more later!!!
sleep time now...

sqvisch

so i'm watching an extreme plastic surgery, it's also neurosurgery... interesting. when i'm home, this is basically all i do:
1) Work 2) Eat 3) Watch Discovery Health 4) Blog 5) Sleep
yup...i'm not forgetting anything....
i'm going to Berlin on Saturday, well, leaving for Berlin but i don't land until Sunday afternoon. However, i have nowhere to stay until Monday evening, so i need to find somewhere to stay saturday night and carry my shit around all day sunday/monday. i hope i don't get robbed.
okay, i don't feel like blogging, false alarm.
but before i go, i have to tell you, KIM KARDASHIAN is amazing. i am obsessed with her butt.

I wish these pills would kick in faster

oh Blogspot! I was back at work today! oh joy. will I even leave that place for good? They kept me two hours late, but hey, i need the money. Then I snuck a beer from my parents! Oh so naughty, they have so much booze though, it's so tempting. This is only their spare liquor too. There is also a fridge full of beer and a PACKED liquor cabinet.
It was dumb of me to have that beer though, because then arielle called me and wanted me to go over and watch movies with her and some of her friends. There is NO way i'm risking driving though, even though it was just one beer. I'm not worried that i can't drive, because one beer does not effect me at all, it's just i know my town does random stops and Breathalyzers, and i'm not risking being underage and a smidgen of alcohol on my breath.

Oi vey, my heart still hurts.
Also, I hate how i over analyze everything! But, i suppose a lot of people do that.
(OH and my town library SUCKS! every single book I wanted, was either lost, or didn't exist at my library. pathetic. they were even classics! oi vey!
sorry, side thought...) I have to see everything every day and am reminded that i'm an emo bitch who needs to get over herself and grow up! god, it's so childish. but it feels so good. oiiiii. Ellie Nash, only you understand! i'm kidding though... sorta! haha. god i'm a FREAK!
omg, so this lady came into work today, and her ankle was COMPLETELY cut to shreds. All the way around, like an ankle bracelet. Why would you show that off???
anyways, my damn elliott smith CD is skipping.


god, you were so talented, so smart. your music is amazing. i understand elliott, i know.
but seriously, why did you have to go?

i have a problem with Katy Perry.

Dear Katy Perry,

What is your deal? Seriously. Do you have such major issues with yourself and your sexuality that all that pent up frustration comes out in this ridiculously immature lyrics, or do men in business suits who jack off at their computers to the idea of two girls kissing write these pathetic lyrics at a a long oak business table, throwing out ideas to each other and writing them on their marker board? God Katy Perry, you frustrate me so. If I mindlessly listen to your "hit", (which i noticed is #1 on the itunes download list, congratulations, really i mean it) i can easily sing along and smile to this cute song. Oh, and she talks about kissing a girl! Is she relating to me? Is she relating to the to gay community? or is she just alternative? is she the new Avril Lavigne? you make me want to puke.

So I went to your website about a week or two ago, and I was shocked that it said "Ur So Gay" all over it. I found out that is the name of one of your songs. Now I just went to your website, and notice, that's not plastered all over it. I wonder if you got any complaints, I hope you did. Let's examine this music video and lyrics:


"(V1)
I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf
While jacking off listening to Mozart
You bitch and moan about LA
Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway
You don’t eat meat
And drive electrical cars
You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art
You need SPF 45 just to stay alive

(CHORUS)
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like…

(V2)
You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal
You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal
Secretly you’re so amused
That nobody understands you
I’m so mean cause I cannot get you outta your head
I’m so angry cause you’d rather MySpace instead
I can’t believe I fell in love with someone that wears more makeup than…

(CHORUS)
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like…

(BRIDGE)
You walk around like you’re oh so debonair
You pull ‘em down and there’s really nothing there
I wish you would just be real with me

(CHORUS)
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
Oh no no no no no no no
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like… PENIS"


A bunch of ridiculous gay stereotypes neatly bundled in the form of a pop-hit. The way I interpret the song, she is talking about this guy who does all of these "gay" things, like being a vegetarian, driving an electric car, and reading Hemingway, but he "doesn't even like boys", so he isn't literally homosexual, but he is still "so gay". Seriously Katy?



This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Lost my discretion

It's not what
I'm used to
Just wanna try u on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention

(CHORUS)
I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

(V2)
No I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter
You're my experimental game
Just human nature

It's not what
Good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets
So confused
Hard to obey

(CHORUS)
I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

(BRIDGE)
Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent


This song however confuses me. I can't tell if you are embracing the idea of being with a girl, or if it is just some drunken thing that is nothing but silliness and innocent. I somehow get the feeling that you don't find homosexual relationships to be as serious as heterosexual ones, like they are just girls having a fun time. I don't know, maybe i'm taking this totally wrong.

OKAY, vent is done Katy Perry. I still don't like the "Ur So Gay" song and your damn "I kissed a girl" song is too damn catchy.
I hope I'm taking this all wrong and this lyrics are from the heart and never meant to be taken offensively from anyone from the gay community.

Sincerely,
Laura

annaliese michel

INSOMNIA!!!!
i can't sleep. i've taken sleeping pills the last couple nights and i have DRAMATICALLY cut back on my caffeine intake.
things on my mind, in bullet form, because i'm in an uncomfortable position on my bed right now, but still feel the urge to blog...:
1) Trauma: Life in the ER on Discovery health channel, the episode i just watched was all filmed in the OU Medical center. the lady i babysit for is a nurse in the part of the hospital they were in. very cool. i want to work in medicine. it was a very sad episode though.
2) i went into the bathroom and heard sydney yelling "where did you go?! why are you leaving?!" so i woke her up, and said "sydney you are having a nightmare" and she kept insisting that her two friends were in her, one named "Laura". she won't remember it in the morning. she ALWAYS talks in her sleep and never remembers it in the morning, even if you think she is awake, she just has her eyes open.
3) i still haven't checked my grades online, it's driving me crazy, but i'm too scared to look at my biology grade.
4) it's hot here.
5) i am getting the same feelings here like i did when i was back in high school. the constant boredom and restlessness.
6) i'm so excited but very nervous about Germany. i wasn't nervous at all until 2 days ago.
7) i feel bad for upsetting Arielle.
8) i need more money. and less fat.
9) i hope i make lots of friends in Germany who like to do the same things I do.
10) i really want to date someone right now. this is so NOT like me, but ever since i started dating, this is the longest i've gone without someone. it's not like i HAVE to or anything, i'm not one of those girls. but i would still like one.


stuff to possibly download:
1) the ting tings--shut up and let me go
2) chromeo
3) los campesinos--death to los campesinos
4) tokyo police club--in a cave
5) weezer--pork and beans / perfect situaton
6)crystal castles--courtship dating
7) adele--chasing pavements (this one is iffy, she wasn't that great, but i've heard good reviews)

things to do:
1) go to the bank and make my debit card available in europe
2) get my phone fixed
3) work out
4) babysit/work
5) take off toe nail polish
6) make my bed
7) tell logan to do his chores, i.e. laundry, and when he ignores me, do it myself
8) drink more coffee
9) download music
10) get friends addresses and make KT a mix CD

life goals at 2:17 am:
1) attempt to be happy. with myself and where i am in life.
2) be successful, in all aspects
3) get married
4) have kids
5) be financially stable
6) go to Germany
7) own my own house with people i love in it
8) pay back my parents, not necessarily monetarily
9) make peace with my older brother
10) be completely off all medications