10 hours till freedom!

sometimes, my immense amounts of stimulants and caffeine that i take to wake my slumbering body have an adverse effect on me. i want them to make me concentrate and stay awake to study, however half the time instead they just make me too fidgety and awake to concentrate. i'm also to the point in studying my biology that i'm too bored to go on. i've studied for the past 12 hours off and on, but i still don't feel very prepared. i know most of the information when i read it, but i don't know if i can think of it on the test. there is just so much to memorize and study! oi vey! but oh joy, tomorrow is the party. i hope there isn't too much drama. god i hate when i'm looking so forward to something and then it turns out just awful. i hope it's nothing but fun. i hope there is no drama between angel, jenny, and claire, but i bet there will be. also with mike, give me a little alcohol and i'm not going to be able to shut my mouth around him. i'm going to be so pissed if i even see him there. i'm also so mad that sami is defending him, god i am. i don't understand that at all. well, i'm gonna cut this blog short because i need to go study more. hopefully i'll be happy next time i write. hopefully my bio test goes well and the party is fun. hopefully...

Lady Lazarus

I have done it again. One year in every ten I manage it---- A sort of walking miracle, my skin Bright as a Nazi lampshade, My right foot A paperweight, My face a featureless, fine Jew linen. Peel off the napkin 0 my enemy. Do I terrify?---- The nose, the eye pits, the full set of teeth? The sour breath Will vanish in a day. Soon, soon the flesh The grave cave ate will be At home on me And I a smiling woman. I am only thirty. And like the cat I have nine times to die. This is Number Three. What a trash To annihilate each decade. What a million filaments. The peanut-crunching crowd Shoves in to see Them unwrap me hand and foot The big strip tease. Gentlemen, ladies These are my hands My knees. I may be skin and bone, Nevertheless, I am the same, identical woman. The first time it happened I was ten. It was an accident. The second time I meant To last it out and not come back at all. I rocked shut As a seashell. They had to call and call And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls. Dying Is an art, like everything else, I do it exceptionally well. I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real. I guess you could say I've a call. It's easy enough to do it in a cell. It's easy enough to do it and stay put. It's the theatrical Comeback in broad day To the same place, the same face, the same brute Amused shout: 'A miracle!' That knocks me out. There is a charge For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge For the hearing of my heart---- It really goes. And there is a charge, a very large charge For a word or a touch Or a bit of blood Or a piece of my hair or my clothes. So, so, Herr Doktor. So, Herr Enemy. I am your opus, I am your valuable, The pure gold baby That melts to a shriek. I turn and burn. Do not think I underestimate your great concern. Ash, ash --- You poke and stir. Flesh, bone, there is nothing there---- A cake of soap, A wedding ring, A gold filling. Herr God, Herr Lucifer Beware Beware. Out of the ash I rise with my red hair And I eat men like air. Sylvia Plath