insomniac

I'm sitting in my bed right now, it's 1:30am listening to Tegan and Sara, but wanting to listen to "Fevers and Mirrors." My hands went back and forth through my CD book, but I decided to try to listen to some comforting music, instead of gloomy Bright Eyes. It's not terribly late, but my sleep schedule has been fucked up for about a month now. Late nights studying in vain for finals, time zone changes, and late nights with Arielle are no help. This entire week I've been 'home,' all but one or two have been drug induced, with tonight being no exception. I worked all day, morning to night. I woke up, showered, at a fast breakfast which I didn't even finish, and rushed to Taco Cabana. I worked 7 hours straight with out sitting once, only eating one tortilla with a bit of guacamole on it, while cleaning table after table and pretending like I care when I ask "how are you doing today?" to customers who reply with "I need a two taco combo." My favorite is when they ask what my favorite item on the menu is, or if the fajita steak or chicken is better. Each time I give something random or a lie. I got $2 in tips today, which bought me my lunch today. When I finally did get a break, I stuffed my face, as it seems to be the pattern this break, which I swear I've gained twenty pounds in the last 10 days, then rested my eyes for about 15 minutes, and back to work. We have 4 mentally-challenged employees who do dishes or registers, and one of them, the most severly retarded one, is in his 40s with an ENORMOuS waistline, and several teeth missing, which he picks at the gummy gaps. This certain dishwasher explained to me, and one other lucky co-worker how he lost his virginity. Apparently he was 12, with his cousin, and in his grandpa's shed. Wow. I did NOT want to know that, and I'm sorry I just told you. I work with some real class acts. Seriously though, I enjoy a lot of the time I spend at TC and I really like several of my co-workers. I am beginning to get a little drowsy. Taking sleeping pills at 1:30am probably isn't the best idea. I'm most likely going to wake up tomorrow night, aka Christmas Eve. Ah, it was 2 years ago tonight that I first got drunk. Everclear, taco cabana actually, and the american legion...yeah....good memories. I still have a few pictures from that night. Damn, I've gained a lot of weight and my skin this year has gotten ridiculously bad from stress. Stress, God. I don't think I'll get into nursing school either. I should just be a German teacher and spend my life in a place I hated most, high school? I have no clue. I wish life was easier. This winter break is lonely and depressing. I don't care if it's Christmas tomorrow, I'm ready to go back to Seattle. But I'm even more ready for these sleeping pills to work...

freezing!

wow, it is absolutely freezing. its probably around 15 degrees outside and everything is covered in ice. I am so tired from work, I seriously worked all day. I'm doing the same shift tomorrow. It kinda sucks now, but hey, i'm making money. I like one of our new shift managers too, apparently she is a big tweaker, literally, so she doesn't care what we do at all. So today we had a snowball fight and chatted in the back eating guacamole. Awesome.

I'm eating way too much sugar, damn Christmas goodies! Omg, i swear, my parents room is ridiculously cold.

OH yeah, and I’m thinking about changing from pre-dental to nursing. I'll never get into dental school, but if i switch to nursing, i might not graduate for a while, since i haven't done any of the prenursing classes. GOD! they seriously make it so difficultttttttttttt! and UW is so freaking expensive. My mom suggested me just doing my German degree then going to community college or something and becoming an Registered Nurse, then from there, I’ll have lots of opportunities. I would LOVE to work in hospital. It would never be boring, and I LOVE everything medical. I'm making my parents dirt poor.

speaking of making them poor, I’m so excited for GERMANY THis SUMMER!!!
words can not describe how excited I am. I'm seriously going to cry when I get there. 8 weeks living there! AH!!!!! But of course, to add to the stress that is my life: i have to place into the 400-level-instensive-course, in order to get the credit i want at UW. I'll get credit for sure, but I want the 400 level credit. (Paula Dean is on iron chef America trying to have a cocktail in the middle of the show, she is ridiculous). ALSO i'm unfortunately reacquiring a bit of an Oklahoma accent again. oi vey! I want to get back to SEATTLE! my favorite city in the world! God I love it. I love UW too. wow, still, I’m so glad I go there, everyday. If I do end up doing nursing, and I don't get into the UW nursing school, what if I end up moving? I could never imagine leaving my rugby team and my friends and the city. I've moved many times before, but I've never felt this attached, especially so quickly. If Arielle and my family lived a car ride away, I honestly would be 100% content living there for the rest of my life.

fat fat fat

i'm watching "Inside the Brookhaven Obesity Clinic"on Discovery Health Channel, AKA my obsession! It's a really sad show. I know I'm not that fat compared to them, but I am getting so fat. I really need to eat less in general and less sugar and exercise even more. God I hate it.

So I found out today that this guy that I went to high school with, had an overdose and died. He was in my brothers graduating class, and he was so hott. My friend, Orsi, and I used to always see him after lunch and his cool red tattoo. It's really sad, but it's a little bit his fault for messing with drugs, if that was the case. Either way, I'm kinda upset about the whole thing.

Another shitty thing to add to my list of why this Winterbreak has sucked, my one eyed kitty Mei-Ling

has a bad infection in her only good eye. We had to surgically remove her right eye a while back because she had a disformity and it was all gross and pussy and half closed. Now, her one good eye is dropping, bright red, dialated, and pussy. I'm taking her to the Vet tomorrow. I hope she'll be okay. If she needs to get this eye removed as well, I don't know what will happen. Would we have to put her down? What would we do with a cat with no eyes? I hope she'll be okay.

Arielle and I are watching, "Boys Don't Cry." Oi vey. It's going to be sad, I think she dies in the end.

This boy who is not y sister's boyfriend, just stopped by and brought her Vegan Christmas cookies that he made... I wonder if this is going to cause any jealously with her actual boyfriend? haha.

So tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut with more defined bangs. Growing my hair out is taking forever. I want to cut it short, but it would make this last year and a half a waste. I need to stick it out. Then Friday I'm going into T.Cabana, woohoo. haha. I'm excited because I need to make money, hardcore. I'm brokeeeeeeee.

I'm excited to go back to Washington.

FUCK!

the rugby song "shit damn fuck-a-damn, fuck-a-damn damn" comes to mind right now. I just checked my grades and they SUCKED BALLS! I litterally FAILED my Chemistry final and got a 2.0 in the class. I am so so so upset. I don't know what to do. My parents are going to FLIP because they are paying clost to $40,000 for me to go to my University, so I better get good grades. but worst of all, I don't know if that is a high enough grade to get into the next chemistry class. If I can't get into the next chemistry class, that means I would have to RETAKE this chem before I take the next, which would put me behind a whole quarter, and I'm already starting the pre-dental a year late. omg omg omg. I don't know what to do. I don't think my parents can afford 5 years of school, and I'm already pushing it. I don't think I'm ever going to get into dental school, why am I even trying. I should drop out of school and work at taco cabana the rest of my life. If I did that, it wouldn't be a very long rest of my life, I know that for sure. I really wish UW offered a program to become a Dental Hygenist. You have to go to community college to do that though I think. GOD, my life is falling to shit right now because of this one class. I wish I could be like my brother and get 4.0s in everything. He has it made, he is a genius, has a great girlfriend, decent looks, athletic, everyone likes him, an awesome job with great pay, the list goes on.
I don't deserve to go to Germany this summer.

Blue hair and Finster

well, i'm back home for Winterbreak. I'm a little bit bored, but at the same time, it's nice to not have to worry about school for a brief time. I need to go by Taco Cabana tomorrow though, to get everything worked out, about me working there over break. My parents had a party tonight, and everytime I went out of my room to get a snack, I got bombarded with questions from all my parents friends about Washington, oi. While being a social recluse, and staying in my room or my sisters, I was helping her dye her hair turquoise, which was rather unsuccessful, since her hair is fried from dying it a million times. Also, she got her boyfriend "The Mighty Boosh" on DVD for Christmas, so he was watching it and oh man, is it hilarious. Old Greg is fantastic of course, but some of the other episodes are just as good. His house is still out of power. It's really sad that so many are still out of power, because it is freezing! Today and yesterday driving around was a mes, with all the trees that were knocked down in the roads. Our weeping willow is completely gone now:

but it could be a lot worse.

Speaking of it being a lot worse, being in Seattle all year and on a Rugby team, homosexuallity is so open and, to me and my friends at least, not a big deal at all. One of my lesbian friends has a new girlfriend from a very small town here in Oklahoma, and she was telling me how there is no way her girlfriend could come out in her town. This just seems so obsurd to me. Until I was reading one of her other friends blogs who literally got gay-bashed by this big man at a concert: i blacked out her eyes and nose, so you can't really tell who she is, but omg, this is so sad. It was a harsh reallity check. She is covered in bruises, this sweet innocent girl. I just don't understand how someone could do that?! I seriously don't understand people sometimes. This is a sad world.
On a brighter note: how cute is my kitty!he was super tiny when I left him, and now he is getting huge! You can still tell he is young, especially compared to my other ridiculously fat cat, but still, awwww. I miss him all year.

Anyways, this is my first of many blogs on this new site. I am not going on myspace anymore, and I deleted my Live Journal a long time ago, so here is my new blogsite!<3