R.I.P. Jon T. Loch

so i'm back in Oklahoma. i'm already bored and ready to go back to Seattle, ASAP. Every time I come back here, it gets worse and worse. I wish my family lived in Everett or Kirkland or somewhere outside of Seattle, but still close enough that it doesn't take an entire day to get home. Nevertheless, I'm glad to see them and be in my nice warm house with lots of food and my kitties and dog. I'm pretty disappointed that I'm not getting to hang out with Arielle, however, it's a good thing I missed my flight in Atlanta, because otherwise i wouldn't have gotten to see her. I was literally leaving my plane all glum, when i heard her call my name, and sure enough, there was arielle! she was about to board the plane I just got off of! Fate! So, even though it was only for like 2 minutes, i'm glad I got to see her! she looked good! i'm jealous that she is going to germany though, hehe.
but yeah, i'm glad this quarter is finally over. it has definitely been the hardest one yet. i don't even want to check my grades, oi. i was sick, hurt, fat, depressed, confused, etc. ackkkk and then the icing on the fucking cake, we were supposed to have a great party and i was so sick from the night before, i couldn't drink and my friend died. I can't believe it, JT died. (god, my friends are so sweet too, i feel like i ruined the end of their party too, but i'm really thankful for their kindness). anyways, tomorrow is his funeral. I am just in shock. he is so hilarious and i really liked him. I just talked to him on myspace not that long ago, and my sister saw him this week when getting her nails done. she said that he wasn't himself, super quiet and depressed looking. he is such a loner. apparently he started doing hard drugs too, which is horrible. I just read his death notice in the paper, and it said that his boyfriend was his "best friend". I honestly think a huge cause of his death was related to the way that oklahoma treats the gay community. He was openly gay and very feminine. he dressed like a girl most of the time, and looked fabulous doing it. I remember one time, me, arielle, sydney, JT, and his friend all went to OKC to the gay club and then went to IHOP and his house and chilled. it was a great night that i'll always remember. he had his issues, but who doesn't. i just wish he would have told someone, or had lived somewhere more accepting.

i can't write anymore, but i will later this week i'm sure. i have nothing better to do.

Das Göttliche

ack! so i haven't been here in awhile and i shouldn't be here now! I am hours away from freedom...though short lived it will be. I'll finish my finals tomorrow morning, have fabulous days Thursday and Friday and then presumably with a massive hangover, fly back home with none of my family waiting at the airport and then spend close to three weeks doing nothing in Normal, Oklahoma. I'm going to try to work out a lot, since i've been out of rugby for over a month know on account of my ankle. oi vey. also, during those three weeks, my life is going to be hella stressful....details later....point is, i'm not looking forward to going home...although i love my family and horribly miss my pets and sister! G-d I love her!

anyways, over break i'll be blogging a lot because i'll have nothing else to do.... but for now, it's back to my main man Goethe!



Das Göttliche

Edel sei der Mensch,
Hilfreich und gut!
Denn das allein
Unterscheidet ihn
Von allen Wesen,
Die wir kennen.

Heil den unbekannten
Höhern Wesen,
Die wir ahnen!
Ihnen gleiche der Mensch!
Sein Beispiel lehr uns
Jene glauben.

Denn unfühlend
Ist die Natur:
Es leuchtet die Sonne
Über Bös und Gute,
Und dem Verbrecher
Glänzen wie dem Besten
Der Mond und die Sterne.

Wind und Ströme,
Donner und Hagel
Rauschen ihren Weg
Und ergreifen
Vorüber eilend
Einen um den andern.

Auch so das Glück
Tappt unter die Menge,
Faßt bald des Knaben
Lockige Unschuld,
Bald auch den kahlen
Schuldigen Scheitel.

Nach ewigen, ehrnen,
Großen Gesetzen
Müssen wir alle
Unseres Daseins
Kreise vollenden.

Nur allein der Mensch
Vermag das Unmögliche:
Er unterscheidet,
Wählet und richtet;
Er kann dem Augenblick
Dauer verleihen.

Er allein darf
Den Guten lohnen,
Den Bösen strafen,
Heilen und retten,
Alles Irrende, Schweifende
Nützlich verbinden.

Und wir verehren
Die Unsterblichen,
Als wären sie Menschen,
Täten im Großen,
Was der Beste im kleinen
Tut oder möchte.

Der edle Mensch
Sei hilfreich und gut!
Unermüdet schaff er
Das Nützliche, Rechte,
Sei uns ein Vorbild
Jener geahneten Wesen!
Johann Wolfgang Goethe

:(

i hate life right now.

wowza

so i'm actually leaving for seattle tomorrow. it's been a long summer, across america and europe. now i'm driving all the way back to seattle. i'm quite nervous. i'll feel better when i pick up jenny, but i still have 11 hours alone. it's going to be raining all day tomorrow too, eek. if i die, tell my family i love them and please don't vote for McCain.
hopefully i'll write another blog once i arrive in Seattle!!!!
i love all you guys!
see you Friday night!

USA

i'm back in America.

blah!

well, i'm waiting to go. I'm need to drop of CDs to the library and then go meet Katrina on the other side of berlin. oi, and i have to buy the fucking expensive ubahn day pass again. i have 20 euros in my pocket and only 80 euros in my bank account. sounds like enough, however, i have to by a 6 euro ubahn pass today, tomorrow, and saturday morning just a 2 euro one, but then i also need to buy souviners and a movie ticket friday night and my class is going out to dinner/bar tonight, but i think i'll just get a donner on the way and just have maybe one drink. oi vey. ALSO, i need to be prepared in case i need to pay to check my second bag at the airport! that could range from 20-50$...oh fudge, i don't know what to do. i hate having to worry about money! this whole trip has been like that.

anyways, i'm back in the states Saturday night, then i'll live off my parents for a week and then starve again in seattle.
god, i need a job!

Lua, no lies, just love please

so i was doing alright, but then the light switch got hit and i relapsed a bit. i'm ready to go to my parents house now, but i won't be there long. i can't stay anywhere long, i never have, i think i'll be a vagabond the rest of my life...


It was in the march of the winter I turned 17
that I bought those pills
I thought I would need
and I wrote a letter to my family
said it's not your fault
and you've been good to me
just lately I've been feeling
like I don't belong
like the ground is not mine to walk upon
and I've heard that music
echo through the house
where my grandmother drank
by herself
and I sat watching a flower
as it was withering
I was embarrased by it's honesty
so I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face
not this fucking wreck
that's taken it's place

so please forgive what I have done
no you can't stay mad at the setting sun
cause we all get tired I mean eventually
and there's nothing left to do but sleep

but spring came bearing sunlight
those persuasive rays
so I gave myself a few more days
my salvation it came, quite suddenly
when Justin spoke very plainly
he said "Of course it's your decision,
but just so you know,
if you decide to leave,
soon I will follow"

I wrote this for a baby
who has yet to be born
my brother's first child
I hope that womb's not too warm
cause it's cold out here
and it'll be quite a shock
to breathe this air
to discover loss
so I'd like to make some changes
before you arrive
so when your new eyes meet mine
they won't see no lies
just love.
just love.

I will be pure,
No, no, I know I will be pure.
Like snow- like gold-
like snow- like gold--

----------


I know that it is freezing, but I think we have to walk
I keep waving at the taxis, they keep turning their lights off
But Julie knows a party at some actor's West side loft
Supplies are endless in the evening by the morning they'll be gone

When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend
I'll get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations
with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection
The mask I polish in the evening by the morning looks like shit

And I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss
So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it
But me I'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split
The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist

You're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black
Just keep going to the bathroom, always say you'll be right back
Well, it takes one to know one, kid, I think you've got it bad
But what's so easy in the evening by the morning's such a drag

I got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train
And if you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same
We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain
But what was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane

And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did
It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
Cause what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is

It was so simple in the moonlight now it's so complicated
It was so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight
So simple in the moonlight...